Prince Charming Meets Elven Prince
by JustAnAfterthought
Summary: COMPLETEDFIN finally! Aragorn and Legolas... Legolas falls madly in love with Aragorn, but his stepfather is determined to destroy it! an AU story since Arathorn comes back to life and Saruman becomes Legolas' stepfather... read read read!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Don't own nothing, 'cept for Middle-Earth, Legolas, Aragorn, Gandalf… heehee… well duh! Obviously I don't own anything! )_

**Pairing: **_Legolas/Aragorn_

**Rating **_PG. But the rating might increase as the story goes on._

**Summary: **_An AU fic, hope you guys don't mind! The concept is basically a Cinderella story. Arathorn comes back to life. Legolas plays the role of Cinderella with Saruman as his stepfather. Has one Uruk-Hai and one Orc for step-brothers. The Hobbits are Legolas' friends, hidden in Hobbit holes in the house, instead of mouse holes. 'Nuff said, or I might tell the whole story in here. Enjoy!_

**A/N: **_This would be my first ever slash! Hope you like it. Barriotic barrio (author of __Elf at Hogwarts__) helped me in this story (they are mainly responsible for turning me into a slasher, no complaints though)… Kudos to Angelica and Aisha! Especially to Angelica who is the mastermind behind the whole enchilada. Thoughts are italicised, same with the invitation. You'll understand it anyway._

**Feedback: **_Much appreciated, so please r & r! And no nasty flames please! ) _

_**Chapter One: The Invitation**_

Once upon a time in a far away land, quite specifically Middle-Earth, lived a beautiful Elven Archer named Legolas Greenleaf. When his father died, his mother married again. His stepfather was a proud and cruel wizard named Saruman, who had always hated this elven prince because he was much more beautiful than his two sons, Pistachio, an Uruk-Hai and Maraschino, an Orc.

After Legolas' 2,932nd birthday, his mother died. Since then, he was always neglected during family occasions and was forced to slave night and day to serve Saruman and his monstrous children.

'Legolas, you will be our new slave. Your place is in the kitchen, for you will do the work of a servant,' Saruman once said and gave him a pink maid's outfit for him to wear daily.

One day, Legolas was washing a tall pile of dirty dishes, working as hard as a house-elf. He actually admired Dobby, a house-elf outside Middle-Earth; he even has an autographed mop by Dobby himself. Anyway, he was at the sink when he heard an insistent rapping sound on the door.

He left the kitchen to answer the door. When he opened the door, he saw Faramir, the steward of Gondor standing in front of him. And at Faramir's left side stood an overblown, young servant.

'May I help you?' Legolas politely asked the steward.

Faramir loudly cleared his throat, stood up straight in a dignified fashion and yelled full blast, causing Legolas' long hair to fly backwards. 'You have been cordially invited to the Grand Masquerade Ball by order of King Arathorn of Gondor.'

The elf blinked. Faramir's speech was short and simple, but windy enough to dry up his eyes.

'Here sir,' said the servant, bowing courteously and handed him four letters with the seal of Gondor.

'Er, thank you,' Legolas said, accepting the letters from the servant. When they left, he looked down at the letters. It was addressed to each of the four royal gentlemen of Mirkwood. 'Saruman,' he read out softly, flipping through the invitations. 'Pistachio, Maraschino, Legolas… ah, here's mine.' He ripped open his letter and read it. It said:

_I, the Royal Highness, King Arathorn of Gondor, cordially invite you, yes you Legolas to a Masquerade Ball. Wherein my son, Prince Aragorn shall choose his future bride… or groom. _

_Proud Ruler of Gondor,_

_King Arathorn Henry Arthur William Lancelot Bassanio Gratiano…_

_Must I really write down my whole name?!_

_(Bet you don't have a name as long and awesome as mine!)_

_XOXOXOXO_

_PS sorry for the lousy handwriting, my official letter writer is out on leave and the substitute just sprained her wrist when she was tweezing her eyebrows… and computers haven't been invented yet. So you better be flattered 'cos I'm the king!_

'Uh, cool?' Legolas said, unsure of how to reply with the King's arrogance. He tucked in the letters in his apron pocket and went up the stairs to Saruman's lounging room. He knocked quietly until he was asked to get in.

'What is it?' Saruman snarled. They were in the middle of flute lessons, and Saruman was trying hard to teach the two children to get the notes right, but they were sloppy with their fingers and annoying screeches escaped the flute.

Legolas nervously reached for the letters and tremblingly handed them to Saruman. 'This came a while ago, Father.'

'Hmm, the seal of Gondor. I wonder what Arathorn wants this time. Hope he won't try to rekindle the flame we had centuries ago.'

_Yeah right_, Legolas rolled his eyes. The man really needed to snap back to reality. He then handed the other two letters to its rightful owners.

The two monsters ripped open their letters ecstatically, bright eyed with excitement. 'Letters from royalty, wow!' Maraschino breathed out.

Pistachio hit his brother hard on the head. 'We're royalty too, you dolt.'

'Uh, Father… I was wondering, if I… uh, if I could possibly, uh…' Legolas started.

'If you could come to the ball?' Saruman finished for him. He smiled mischievously. 'Well sure, my dear child…'

Legolas started to smile. 'I did receive a letter from the king as well,' he said.

But the evil stepfather continued his speech. 'That is, if you have finished all your chores.'

The smile on Legolas' face quickly vanished. 'I… I'll finish it on time Father.'

'If you say so lad. And if you do so, then you may join us,' Saruman said with faux kindness in his voice, which Legolas failed to see.


	2. Chapter 2

**Pairing: **_Legolas/Aragorn. _

**Rating **_PG. But the rating might go up as the story goes on._

**Summary: **_An AU fic, based on Cinderella! Santa Claus makes a cameo appearance in this chapter._

**Notes (Part 1):**_ Oh my gosh! I can't believe you guys actually read and reviewed! Despite the weird title and crappy summary. You guys are the best! Much much thanks to __Ellen the Trickstar, goldmund, Nina, Zaphyr, The Pixielady, Lomelinde, Legolas, montyphythonfan2002, eccentric mind, barriotic barrio, TaiYama/AraLego Captor Sophie, Memory Revenge and myztik.__ Fat sloppy kisses headed your way Your reviews really motivate me to work faster! I LOVE YOU ALL! _

**Feedback: **_Please? That would make my day! Just please be kind! _

_**Chapter Two: To Go, Or Not To Go? That Is the Question.**_

'Sing sweet nightingale, fa la la la la…' Maraschino belted out, stretching his arms and accidentally hitting Legolas on the forehead.

'Please sit still, brother dear,' said Legolas patiently. He was already through with his regular chores, and is now working dutifully on his brothers. At this moment, he was trying to curl Maraschino's hair, if you would call it hair. He was having difficulty curling it, especially since there really wasn't much to curl.

Maraschino's hair was super thin and very few (roughly around twenty-five strands), but surprisingly hard. Dozens of conditioner wouldn't help any. The only reason Maraschino wanted to have curly hair was because Aragorn invented the curling iron. It made him feel closer to the prince.

Pistachio entered the room, dressed in a light periwinkle chiffon gown. It was terribly designed. Intricate patterns were placed around the waist and carried a deep, plunging neckline, showing off his greyish peeling skin on his chest. And he was wearing a corset which formed a hump, resembling a camel's, just on his bum.

'My turn,' he announced.

'But I just started,' Maraschino whined.

'Look, you'll never be able to get curly hair 'cos it's filled with gooey gunk on it,' Pistachio said. 'I don't think daddy's white funk was removed when you were born. Besides, we're leaving in a few hours, and you aren't even dressed yet, so there,' he said sticking out his tongue with his arms crossed on his chest.

'Fine then,' Maraschino said standing up. And the curling iron would have burned his head, if only his skin weren't as thick as it was. 'No matter, I'm sure Prince Aragorn prefers the _au naturel_ look on a woman,' he said sticking his chin high up in the air.

_'Au naturel_? Yeah right! You look natural all right. Naturally dead, you revived elf,' he shot back. 'And furthermore, however hard you try to imagine it, you are still not a woman. Ok?'

Maraschino was all huffed up. 'That's not me, that's you. You're the revived elf, dodo!'

'Yeah, yeah,' Pistachio said, waving Maraschino away. He sat down primly on the chair facing the dresser and looked at himself lovingly. 'C'mon now Legolas, it's my turn.'

Legolas obligingly obeyed.

'Oh make me over…' Pistachio sang. 'I'm all I wannabe. A walking study, in demonology. Hey, so glad you could make it…'

_Oh my gosh, you suck_, Legolas thought shaking his head. _You do no justice to Hole! _Neither of his stepbrothers owned a good voice. Nor could they carry a tune.

Hours later, the little monsters were made up and good to go. Maraschino wore a cherry coloured chiffon gown that strongly resembled Pistachio's. They each carried a white, glittering mask held up by a barbecue stick. They were waiting for Saruman… and Legolas.

Unfortunately, Legolas didn't have enough time to find a formal suit, let alone a costume.

Saruman went down the stairs, seeming radiant and aglow. He had on a Calvin Klein yellow robe made of silk. His hair was piled up on his head, and his staff was no longer white, but gold, with a pretty tulip on top.

'Why Legolas, you're not coming,' Saruman said, as though he was thoroughly surprised. But he actually meant for this to happen.

'I'm afraid not Father,' he responded, looking down at his ratty brown Dr Martens ankle-high boots.

Saruman patted him on the shoulder. 'That's alright Legolas. There will be other dances and balls -'

'No other ball would be this important,' Legolas choked out dejectedly. All hopes of marrying Aragorn came flying out the window. The doorbell rang and Maraschino and Pistachio eagerly ran to open the door, knowing that it was their carriage.

'Well, here's our carriage. We better go. Don't stay up too late, Legolas m'dear,' Saruman said. His eyes were dripping with false sympathy. But when he turned around and left the palace, an evil glint entered his eyes.

Once they were outside and on their way to Gondor, tears began to stream down Legolas' eyes. He ran outside to the gardens and cried his tears out beneath a Weeping Willow tree.

He hadn't noticed a brown leaf fall gently down to the ground. And it magically transformed into the shape of a tall man. 'Excuse me young man.'

Legolas looked up and was startled to find an old man with long grey hair and long grey beard. 'Wh- who are you?'

'I am Gandalf the Grey…' the man replied grandly.

Legolas looked back at him, expecting more.

'What? Don't tell me you don't know who I am.'

Legolas just gave him a blank stare.

Gandalf sighed. 'Oh, all right. Elves nowadays…' he grumbled. 'Dear prince, _I _am your fairy godfather.'

'Yeah right,' scoffed Legolas. 'You're a _fairy _godfather?'

'Yes, that's the appropriate term for me.'

'Well how come you haven't any wings?' Legolas challenged.

'That is so childish! Absolute rubbish if you ask me," Gandalf said. But seeing that he wasn't getting through to Legolas, closed his eyes and then diagonal pink and red stripes of minuscule wings appeared on his back. 'There, are you happy now?'

But Legolas couldn't answer him he was laughing uncontrollably. Aside from the popping of semi-transparent wings, apparently it also came with a set of ballet slippers, pink tights and a green sequined tutu. The tutu was embroidered with yellow lace at the back, revealing his uh, er… wrinkly back. And his long grey hair was pulled up high into a bun. Flattering really, for a wizard.

'Silence boy,' Gandalf thundered. 'I am here to help you get to the prince, and this is the thanks I get?'

That shut Legolas up quickly. 'You could make a way to bring me to Gondor? Why didn't you tell me before?' he yelled, clamping both his hands on Gandalf's tutu.

'Hey, hey, watch the dress,' Gandalf said, taking Laegolas' hands out of the tutu and touched it delicately. 'Now then, to get there, you need a transportation of some kind.'

Precisely on time, Santa Claus landed jut a few feet away from them.

Gandalf smiled. 'Problem solved!' he proclaimed. 'Hey mister, where you headed?'

He said, 'oh no.'

'Oh, yes… very well then. Mr Claus, m'dear godson here needs a fast lift to Gondor to be able to catch the Ball. And 747 planes are not available in Middle-Earth. Would you want to do the honour?' Gandalf asked.

'It's no problem for me,' Santa Claus began. 'But my reindeers are dead tired, they need a temporary replacement.'

'I see, that is a problem,' Gandalf said, his left hand grazing his chin. Then his eyes twinkled in delight when he saw the two hobbits, Merry and Pippin stealing cabbages and carrots from the vegetable garden. 'How many reindeers do you need to travel up to Gondor?'

'Four at the minimum.'

Gandalf saw two more hobbits from behind Merry and Pippin. And from the looks of it, they were probably trying to stop them from their mischief.

'Stop that,' Sam scolded Marry and Pippin. 'That's not yours… ooh, spinach! I didn't know Mr Greenleaf had those. Mr Frodo, spinach for you,' Sam said, offering the bundle of spinach, as if it were a bouquet of roses.

'Why thank you dear Sam,' Frodo said accepting the spinach and was slightly blushing. How sweet his gardener was to him.

'Perfect,' whispered Gandalf. 'Azkaban bobbity kazoo!' he sang his magic words. And the hobbits suddenly floated on the air. They appeared to be carried by a trail of shiny twinkling stars. And they were brought in front of Gandalf, Santa and Legolas.

Merry and Pippin dropped their cabbages and carrots in an instant. 'We're sorry Mr Greenleaf sir!' they cried out.

Gandalf didn't give them any attention and began to sing some more. 'Now salakadoola-moo, and a menchika boola doo! And the thingamabob that does the job is bibbity bobbity boo! Flippety flop, zappety zap yada, yada, and yada…'

His staff appeared magically on his right hand and he swished it. And it turned the hobbits into reindeers.

'There you go lad, you now have your transportation,' Gandalf said, gesturing to the reindeers and the sled.

'Thank you Gandalf,' Legolas breathed out. 'But what about my costume?'

'Oh, yes. Forgot about that one. Well how about this?' Gandalf swished his staff once more and transformed Legolas' pink servant's uniform into a blue one.

'What's this supposed to be?' Legolas asked, looking down on his clothes.

'J Lo, Maid in Manhattan. You don't like?'

'THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE!' he bellowed out.

'Are you blind man?' Gandalf said rolling his eyes. 'Yours was pink, now it blue.' Seeing that Legolas really didn't like it, he threw up his arms and yet again, swished his staff. And next thing he knew, he was dressed in black tights and grey leotards.

Legolas frowned. 'What's this supposed to be?'

Gandalf smiled. 'George Clooney, Batman.'

'Take. It. Off,' Legolas said grimly. 'I do not want to dress like you, you transvestite,' he said, eyeing Gandalf's tutu and pink tights.

Santa sighed in exasperation. He was waiting for a long time already. At this rate, they'd arrive in Gondor when the ball had already ended.

Gandalf did another movement with his staff, and out came a Legolas dressed in pure black. Black jeans, black shirt, black bullet-proof vest and some bungee cords.

'Now what?'

'Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. Now if you want me to chop off the hair…'

'You will do no such thing!' Legolas said, putting his hands over his beautiful long hair protectively.

'Will the both of you just shut the fuck up?' Santa yelled. 'Now, Legolas, it's getting late already and Gondor is a long way from here. I think I have just the right thing for you.'

Santa shuffled through a lot of things in his red sack until he found what he was looking for. He handed Legolas a shimmering white tunic with silver linings. Expensive looking black slacks and a matching long black cape held together with a silver pin shaped as an arrow.

'Crikey, this is bloody amazing!' an awed Legolas said.

Gandalf did a little ballet dance. A little jeté here and a padeborah there, and a little clicking of the heels for a finale and Legolas was instantly dressed up. But added a bit of his changes. He furnished him with a cool green, sort of face paint, stripe (shaped like a half-moon) on both sides of his cheeks. And gave him a silver bow with matching arrows (held in those arrow carrier things).


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **_Don't own, so don't sue._

**Pairing: **_Legolas/Aragorn_

**Rating: **_PG._

**Feedback: **_dearly cherished! So please review!!! zones into a mantra REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! _

**Thank-you: **_to those who reviewed…__MidnightLoner tenshiamanda, Amia, Lomelinde, Legolas, Ellen the Trickstar and ash. __THANK YOU!!! Each of you gets large bear hugs from yours truly… since I realise that sloppy kisses is kinda disgusting. Haha… LOL. (",)_

_Lomelinde__ - LOL_

_Amia __- nope, sorry. Legolas gets something more special than the glass slipper. You'll see. Smile_

_Legolas -__ thank you! Thanks to you, I don't have to be such a dork calling the quiver an arrow carrier thing. _

_**Chapter Three: At the Ball**_

The reindeers were replaced by the hobbits and Santa climbed up the sleigh. 'Come now Legolas, or you'll be late.'

Legolas excitedly hopped in Santa's red sleigh.

'On Frodo, on Sam -' Santa started. But Gandalf interrupted him.

'Hold it!' the wizard said raising his arms up in the air exposing his three feet long grey armpit hair. 'Remember Legolas, the hobbits must be home by the stroke of midnight. Or else, they will lose their flying powers. And you would return into your regular clothes. Understood?'

'Ugh, yes,' Legolas said covering his eyes with the cape. ' I understand. Now could you please put down your arms? Your, erm, armpit hair is frightening.'

'Oh, uh…' Gandlaf mumbled. He happened to think of it as a precious piece of a body part (?). he stroked his hair affectionately and started to walk away. Disappearing into the woods.

'On Frodo, on Sam, on Merry and Pippin!' Santa continued. And away they flew.

GONDOR

Prince Aragorn's stylist was satisfied with his work. He had styled Aragorn with much custom and out with the rugged, Bob Marley look. Now, he was clean and posh. Clothed with a soft black button-down shirt and black trousers and a silver chain hung on his neck, he was perfect.

Aragorn was standing on a platform and being introduced to the royal maiden and not so maiden in Middle-Earth. And quite frankly, he didn't like what he saw. There were a lot of podgy women and full of zits. The others were as tall as Treebeard. What was Middle-Earth coming to?

'Presenting, Lady Arwen Undomiel of Lothrien,' Faramir announced. The elf walked down the red carpet with much poise and elegance, it captivated Aragorn. She was dressed in a pure white lace dress with a deep V-cut on the chest. And unlike Pistachio, it looked good. She held a glittery white mask on her left hand.

Arwen shined brightly. 'Good evening, Your Grace,' she smiled.

'Good evening,' Aragorn said, returning the smile. He bent down to kiss her hand. 'See you at the dance floor, Lady Arwen.'

When Arwen left Aragorn's presence, Faramir yelled again in his loud, ear-shattering voice. 'Presenting, Lords Pistachio and Maraschino of Mirkwood.'

Aragorn was ready to shake their hands, but upon seeing their hideous faces, his hair stood up, as though it had undergone electrocution and he screamed. 'Ayiee!' he jumped up and landed on his father's arms, his face a bit ashen.

'Your Majesty,' Aragorn's stylist appeared beside the father and son. 'My work!' he squeaked out. 'My fine, fine work! Ruined!' then he fell and fainted.

'What is it son?' Arathorn asked, who wasn't paying any attention to what was happening.

'Re… repulsive,' Aragorn choked out, pointing at the Orc and the Uruk-Hai.

Arathorn dropped his son (who landed hard on his bum) and stared at the two monsters with love and compassion. 'Pistachio… Maraschino?' he breathed out. 'Is it really?'

'Yes, Your Highness,' they said in unison and bowed.

'Your father, Saruman. Is he here?' the king asked.

'Yes, Your Highness,' they replied.

'I must see him,' Arathorn said grabbing each of the monster's bluish-grey arms. 'Bring me to him.' He demanded.

They quickly left. Arathorn sauntering with his head held up high. And the two monsters with their wiggly giant humpy bums swaying side-wards.

After the presentation of lords and ladies ended, Aragorn quickly went to find Arwen, by far, the loveliest he saw in the Ball.

When suddenly Aragorn looked up, sensing that someone had just entered the ballroom. And saw a more beautiful elf, much lovelier than Arwen.

The elf had long, silky blond hair and was dressed as an Elven Archer. He had green streaks on both sides of cheeks and was dressed not to perfection, but carried himself so well.

_Look, if you had, one shot, one opportunity_

_To seize anything you ever wanted… one moment_

_Would you capture it? Or just let it slip? _

That was all Aragorn needed. No way was he going to loose sight of the beautiful elf. He excused himself (quite rudely) to Arwen and ran towards the elf's direction.

_His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy_

That was exactly what Aragorn felt as he closed towards the elf.

_There's vomit on his sweater already, mum's spaghetti_

_He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready_

Looking calm, dignified and posh, Aragorn tapped the elf on his back. His heart was pounding hard. 'Excuse me,' he managed to say.

The elf turned around and faced Aragorn and looked at him expectantly.

'May… uh, may I have this dance?' he continued.

The elf broke into a wide, dazzling smile. 'Of course, good sir,' he said.

'Please, call me Elessar,' Aragorn said, wanting the elf call him by that name because it was special to him. 'And you are?'

'Leg -' the elf paused for a moment, as though debating whether or not to give his name. 'Legolas. My name is Legolas Greenleaf.'

The two danced non-stop. And two songs later, they were still dancing. The guests were glaring at Legolas. And the most lethal stare of all was from Arwen Evenstar. She wanted the prince for herself.

Arwen started to walk towards the two with intentions to break up their dance, so she would be the one to dance with Aragorn. On her way approaching them, large Oliphants came stampeding in with Saruman and Arathorn on top, on their way to a secluded place.

The guests looked at Arwen who was now being crushed by the Oliphants. 'Ow!' she yelled. It was painful for her, but being an elf, it wouldn't kill her.

The crowd started yelling some panicked. It wasn't so often that Oliphants would crush a royal elf.

Aragorn and Legolas decided to go out into the colossal garden where they could be alone. They danced to a slow tune of their own.

_So this is love, hmm…_

_So this is love_

_So this is what makes life divine_

_Were all alone..._

_So this is the miracle, that I've been dreaming of…_

They were having a silent intimate moment together. And just as Aragorn started to lean closer to kiss Legolas, a striped red and white bumblebee with a long white beard popped up in green misty fumes behind Aragorn's right ear.

'Legolas!' it buzzed out. It held a huge plaque with the number "12.00" embossed on it. The bee held out another plaque saying "MIDNIGHT!"

Without even finishing the kiss, Legolas was ushered out the palace by the bee. Running down the stairs, the quiver's strap split and it fell down on the stairs along with the bow.

Legolas started to run back and retrieve it, but Santa buzzed on Legolas' nose and pushed him toward the red sleigh where the hobbits awaited them.

Aragorn was quick on his feet and ran to Legolas, but couldn't find him. All he saw was the bow and arrows scattered on the stairs. He picked them up with great care and stroked it.

_I will have you, Legolas Greenleaf. Wherever you may be, I promise myself, I will find you_, he thought grimly.

-------


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Ya'll know the drill, ayt?

**Pairing:** Sigh… you must know by now…

**Summary: **Ooh, ya'll get to see the meaner side of Arwen!

**My notes & stuff: **I really wasn't supposed to continue this story coz I don't have time for it no more, but a few days back, I received a review. Who would have thought that after three months, someone would still stop by and read this?

_**Chapter Four: Bustling and Frantic**_

Aragorn headed back into the palace and straight into his chamber. Arwen noticed his glum looking face and smiled evilly. This meant that something wrong happened between the two. Which meant Aragorn was back up for grabs. And what Arwen wanted, Arwen got. And right now, she wanted Aragorn.

Aragorn sighed. He leaned against the tall, mahogany door and tossed the silver bow and quiver to his king sized bed. He wanted Legolas, and he was quite sure Legolas liked him too. He could see it in his eyes and made him realise that he loved the elf.

What a night. After the seemingly endless women he turned down, he never thought he would find someone he would like to be with forever. He thought that Arwen was the one he would pick. And why not? She was outstandingly gorgeous, kind and sensitive. And their parents were childhood friends. But meeting Legolas changed his perspective totally. After having met Legolas, there was nothing else on Aragorn's thoughts but the beautiful blond elf.

_I must find him now_, Aragorn told himself. He walked on one side of his bed and pulled on a gold rope dangling from the ceiling. And right after that, just a little over a nanosecond, Faramir entered the chamber and ran over to Aragorn, just a few inches away from him. He deeply bowed down, bumping the prince on the stomach and straightened up. Bumping Aragorn yet again, but this time on the chin.

'Ow!' Aragorn held his tongue, literally. He accidentally bit it when Faramir bumped his chin. 'Thtupid thtewrad! You fool!'

'I'm so sorry master!' Faramir cried out, frantically running around the room like Road Runner that had too much sugar. He didn't know what to do.

'Thtop it!' yelled Aragorn. He was amused at Faramir's uncanny actions and couldn't help but smile. 'It'th alright, jutht thtop it! You're driving me crathy.' (Translation: It's alright, just stop it! You're driving me crazy.)

Faramir abruptly stopped running around the room, shoes screeching at the sudden halt. 'I truly am sorry, my prince.'

'I know,' Aragorn said. 'I colt you hee becauthe I ha to hind -' (Translation: I called you here because I have to find -)

'The blond elf?' continued Faramir.

'Yeth, how did you know?'

'DUH! I'm not blind, your grace. I do have eyes and 20/20 vision. Anyone with half a brain would have seen the love struck look you had a mile away.'

'I wath that othviouth huh?'

'Just a tad bit,' Faramir said winking at Aragorn. 'But I could see why, the elf was cute.'

'He is, isn't he?' Aragorn said, smiling dreamily. The pain on his tongue left already and he could speak normally.

'So sire, what am I supposed to do?'

'Find him!' Aragorn commanded. 'I shall wed him and make him my… er, umm… princess? Or something of that sort, we shall rule Gondor side by side.'

'Consider it done, Your Highness. But uh… just one question though: where does he live?' questioned Faramir.

Aragorn shrugged clueless-ly. 'No idea. All I know is his name. Legolas Greenleaf. You can use this,' he picked up the bow and quiver containing arrows from the bed and handed it to Faramir.

His eyes widened. 'B-b-but sir!' Faramir sputtered as he accepted the bow and quiver. 'Middle-Earth has three elven lands. _Large_ elven lands. No way in Middle-Hell would I be able to find Long Legs what's-his-name!'

Aragorn's eyes were cold and penetrating and looked straight into Faramir's eyes and said two words. 'It's Legolas, not Long Legs, got it? Find him.'

'Ye-yes sir! Will do!'

'Make sure you will. Or else…' Aragorn drew a line across his neck, meaning Faramir would lose his head if he wasn't successful.

_I'm doomed, I'm doomed_ Faramir told himself repetitively, as he walked out of Aragorn's bedroom, cold sweat coming out of his pores. He tapped his nose twice, smacked his forehead once and held his chest. (Sort of like the sign of the cross of Gondor) And sent a little invocation to Middle-Shangri-la.

Faramir and three other men travelled day and night heading for their first elven kingdom: Rivendell.

'Good morning!' Arwen greeted Faramir and his men when they arrived in her palace. 'Whatever are you here for?'

'In search for an elf named Legolas Greenleaf, milady,' Faramir answered.

Arwen scrunched her forehead, thinking hard. She had a vague idea of who Faramir was looking for.

'The blond male elf at last night's ball,' Faramir supplied, hoping Arwen would remember the elf. He didn't want to scour any more elvish lands. 'Prince Aragorn is in search of him.'

Arwen pursed her lips together and frowned. Now she remembered, and had no intentions of wanting to help Faramir find Legolas. No, not after stealing him away. 'No, I'm sorry Faramir. There is no Legolas Greenleaf living in Rivendell.'

'Are you sure?' insisted Faramir.

'Yes Faramir,' Awen firmly said. 'I know my kingdom from top to bottom. Rivendell isn't that big you know. Duh.'

'Oh, okay. Thank you anyway,' Faramir said looking down at his feet dejectedly. 'I guess I'll be leaving then.'

'Goodbye Faramir. And good luck!' Arwen said, not meaning a word she said. She really wished Faramir wouldn't find Legolas.

Farmir and his men left her court and travelled again. This time, they went into Mirkwood. They went to the grand castle of Saruman.

'Good day lads,' Saruman said, greeting the men flirtatiously. He was wearing an orange sarong, a red tank top and a bright pink feather boa, which he kept slapping Faramir on the chest with.

Faramir's cheeks burned a rosy hue, kind of liking the attention and kind of not. Saruman did look kinda gross. 'Does a Legolas Greenleaf live in this kingdom?'

'Legolas Greenleaf? Why do you ask?' Saruman asked in a high-pitched voice.

'Prince Aragorn is in search of him and is planning to wed him,' when he said this, Legolas appeared by the door, peeking into them.

Saruman saw him but the smile didn't leave his face. 'I'm sorry Faramir, but I don't think he does,' he replied, smirking at Legolas which Faramir didn't notice. He was too busy grumbling.

'Though I'm not really sure, Mirkwood is such a large kingdom. I couldn't keep track of the people living in here. Feel free to roam the lands though,' Saruman continued.

_Oh man, this bites_ Faramir thought. 'Alright then, we'll do that right now. Good day.'

Once the four men left, Legolas dashed upstairs into his room with his arms flailing wildly, tears brimming on his eyes. He was sobbing non-stop when he reached his ratty bedroom. _My life sucks like Middle-Hell_, he said to himself.

'Oh Legolas! My dear, dear stepson,' Saruman called out. He barged into Legolas' room and grabbed him by the hair.

'No! No! Anything but the hair!' Legolas pleaded, to which Saruman paid no attention. 'Oh, my precious!'

'Now why would Prince Aragorn be looking for you?' he snarled. 'I didn't know you attended the Ball.'

'I didn't!'

'Don't you dare lie to me!' Saruman thundered. 'Did you, or did you not attend last night's ball? Speak!'

'I did,' Legolas admitted.

Saruman pulled his hair even harder. 'Why?'

'I wanted to. Besides, you did say I could attend once I finished all my chores.'

'Hmm, so I did. Clever Legolas. Very clever of you. Clearly, you went to the ball with me thinking that you were safely at home,' Saruman switched tones of voice. He was now sweet and caring. 'Well, at least you're safe and in one piece.'

Legolas smiled when Saruman released his grasp on his hair. 'But Legolas, you broke a house rule. As your stepfather, I must always know your whereabouts. And disobeying the family rule, you must have punishment.'

'I understand.'

'Good. Clean the house from top to bottom. There must not be a speck of dust when I check the house tomorrow. You shall shine every inch of the floor; you will not have three meals today. You are going to be busy with the garden. The rose bush must be trimmed and the other bushes must be shaped into my figure.'

'Yes father.'

Saruman started to leave the room, but stooped just before exiting. 'Oh and dear? I am slim and sexy. Size two.' Then he left with a bat of his eyelashes.

Meanwhile, after a long and exhausting two weeks, Faramir and his men were through with Mirkwood and were now speaking to Lady Galadriel.

'I am pretty sure that there is no Legolas Greenleaf belonging to this lands, I'm dreadfully sorry,' she said.

_Me too_, Faramir thought. He held his neck protectively; he didn't want to part with it. It had too much of a sentimental value to him. That was where Eowyn first kissed him. 'Thank you anyway.'

He then left and headed back to Gondor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **_oy, the trademarked names, characters and places may not be mine, but I am proud to say that the plot is mine! All mine! (Okay, not really. I got it off Disney, but the makings and the changes and everything else in between are mine!)_

**Pairing: **_I reckon you guys already know about this._

**Rating: **_And this. But just so you know, its PG._

**Summary: **_What is the real reason why Gandalf is not in good terms with Saruman? Ya'll get to find out in here! Completely AU!_

_**Chapter Five: The Truth Behind Gandalf and Saruman **_

'Why so glum, chum?' Gandalf asked Legolas as he came in prancing in the garden. This time, instead of his flattering tutu, he's in a real hip-hop get-up. A green and white Celtics jersey shirt, loose jeans and white Adidas sneakers. Oh yeah, with his hair done in a cool corn rose ala R Kelly and his beard in fine dreadlocks. 'What is up my party people? Yo! Wazzup, boy? What's the happening son?'

Legolas looked up from the huge hedge he was moulding into a Saruman bush. 'What's with the hair, uh, homey?'

Gandalf ran his hands through his hair. 'You like? It's my new look, the ghetto style. Oh yeah! Bouncin' on twenty-four! Whatever that means…'

While Gandalf ran his hands through his corn-rose-d hair, Legolas got a peek of his armpits. He smiled. 'Sporting a new look for your armpit hair, eh?'

Gandalf took out the mile-long armpit hair from inside his shirt and smiled. There were about a hundred tiny braids stuck to his armpit, dyed in a dark violet-red colour. 'It's the latest fad! Cool huh?'

Legolas gave a forced smile. 'Uh, yeah… if you say so…'

Sensing that Legolas was weirded out by him, Gandalf rolled his eyes and returned the braids back in his jersey. 'Elvens absolutely have no sense of style. How sad… oh well, this get-up is the talk of the town, y'know? Anyway, I'm here because the elders instructed me to light up your life. So what's wrong?'

Legolas heaved a sigh.

'Well, my father -'

'Stop right there!' Gandalf screeched. 'Don't call Saruman your father. He is an ugly, brain-dead, low-life, dirtbag son of a five-legged monster!'

'Uh, okay… what brought that on?'

'I don't want to talk about it,' Gandalf pouted.

"Re-'

'I _said_, I don't want to talk about it.' he said. 'Now, I came here to help you out. I really wasn't supposed to, didn't want to risk seeing Saruman's freakishly abnormal face. But as a godfather, your well being is more important. So, what up?'

'Firstly, that was touching.'

'Thanks.'

'Next, Fa- I mean, _Saruman_, found out that I attended last night's ball and he's dead furious so I'm now overloaded with work.'

'He has no right to do that. I'll deal with him, continue.'

'My stomach's been rumbling ever since lunch has been served and I didn't get any, I'm grounded - meaning no leaving the castle walls. And I wannaseeAragornagain,' he said the last part quickly, hoping Gandalf wouldn't be able to decipher it.

'You fancy Aragorn eh?' Gandalf said with a knowing smile. 'Not to worry, I won't tell him anything. But you better watch out for Lady Arwen though.'

"Lady who?'

'Don't tell me you don't know who Arwen is,' Gandalf said, astounded. After Legolas gave him a blank stare, he sighed and went on to explain who she is. 'I can't believe you don't know her, you really must not get out a lot. Well, Arwen is a queen elf. I mean, she will be as soon as Elrond dies.'

'Oh, she's King Elrond's daughter.'

'Yeah. You might've seen her in the ball. She's drop dead gorgeous. If I were straight, I'd probably ask her out. Anyway, she's got long silky black hair and real red lips.'

'Oh, I have. I think she's the one Aragorn was dancing with before he danced with me -'

'Wait a minute. Did you say that Aragorn was dancing with her, Lady Arwen, before he danced with you?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Did he dance with you right after or a few minutes after the song?'

'Before the song ended,' Legolas answered. _What's with the interrogation? Mulder and Scully, meet your match!_

'Hey, calm down!'

'Calm down? Calm down?' Gandalf was hysterical. 'Do you know how dangerous Arwen is? When she wants something, she's going to stop at nothing to get it. I stopped by her place just hours ago for tea and the way she talked about Aragorn was so possessive, you'd think he _belonged_ to her. Dancing with you is one thing. But you're cutting in -"

'Excuse me, I did not cut in,' he said defiantly.

'For her, that would be cutting in. your cutting in would make you blacklisted in her book. Listen, you have to stay away from Aragorn from now on.'

'WHAT?!'

'I'm sorry mate, but you have to.'

'I thought that as a godfather, your job is to see to my well being. I'd be in an emotional mess if do not see Aragorn.'

'Better than being a stuffed ornament for Arwen's palace. You do not know this, but a hundred years back, she had a human's head decorated in her bedroom because the human interfered in her affair with Gimli's great-grandfather.'

'She dated a dwarf?'

'Yes, but can we please stick to the point here? Legolas, if you still want to live, you have to stay away from Aragorn as much as possible. Do I make myself clear?'

'Crystal.' _Good thing I didn't fall head over heels, completely and madly in love with the human. If I did… _

'Good. About Saruman, I'll be dealing with him, for now, you continue your work. I'm off-'

'Hey! You're not done. I told you my story, now tell me yours. What is it with you and Saruman?'

Gandalf made a face.

'Oh, come on. I bet it's not as bad as mine is.'

'Yeah, okay,' Gandalf said grudgingly and sat down on the grass. Legolas followed him and placed the hedge clippers down beside him.

'Go on.'

'That biatch, Saruman, is a worthless -'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that Saruman is the definition of all things gross and insignificant and is the synonym to every curse word there is. What happened?'

'You know Aragorn's father, Arathorn?'

'Yes.'

'Well, we dated, once upon a time.'

Legolas looked revolted.

'Don't give me that look! Do you want to hear this or not?'

'I do…' Legolas answered. _Kinda…_

'Then don't make those faces. Okay, as I said, we dated. But then, we got into a petty argument about why he shouldn't pick me up right away on the said time. You know how I am; I need more time to get ready you know? Well anyway, he got tired. Waiting for me and all, so we fought. And next thing you know, he's out with he's ex.'

'You mean Sar-'

'You know, come to think of it, I don't even want to hear his name. His and that scumbag piece of trash. Well, I have to go now, Istari duties and all that. Bye.'

'Bye.'

Gandalf took out a yellow wand with a star on top and gave it a little swish. Nothing happened.

'Maybe you need your ballet outfit for the magic to be done,' commented Legolas.

Gandalf blushed. 'Quiet. This is a new wand; it just needs a little exercise. Chim-chiminy, chim-chiminy, chim-chim, cheree!'

Still nothing happened. 'Oh, what's the use?' Gandalf grumbled, throwing the wand on the grass and stomped on it a thousand times.

'Temper, temper,' a deep voice from behind cautioned them.

Gandalf whirled around to see who it was. Saruman. His eyes turned to a cloudy grey, his nostrils flared.

'Need help?' Saruman asked.

'No, I can do this on my own, cheezlewax!'

'Tsk, tsk… no need to blow up on me like that. I just wanted to give you some help, seeing that you can't do it on your own.'

'I can do it on my own, CHEEZLEWAX!' growled Gandalf.

'Let's see it then.'

'Well, not with my wand. It's-'

'Cheap?' Saruman supplied. 'Go on, there are other ways you know…'

Gandalf's face turned violet. Slowly, he closed his eyes and then diagonal pink and red stripes of minuscule wings appeared on his back. Then came the ballet slippers, pink tights and a tutu. The tutu was now periwinkle with fancy beadwork on the chest level and the thingy around the waist had roses sewn in it. Oh yeah, he's corn rose had gone, replaced by a tight bun.

Legolas snorted, trying his best not to laugh but gave in when Saruman laughed out loud. Gandalf glared at them.

'Goodbye,' he said and disappeared.

'That godfather of yours,' Saruman said, still laughing, tears streaming from his eyes.

'It was a beautiful tutu,' Legolas said, defending his godfather.

'Not compared to mine, it isn't.'

'You have a tutu?'

'Of course, every Istari has one. Now get back to work.'

…

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T FIND HIM?' Aragorn thundered when Faramir returned with the bad news. 'I DIDN'T SEND A SUPPOSEDLY SMART HUMAN LIKE YOU TO GO OUT AND LOOK FOR LEGOLAS AND COME BACK WITH NOTHING!'

'I-I… I'm sorry sir,' Faramir said, trembling with fear.

'Well, I'm sorry too,' Aragorn said. 'Because I do remember saying that if you come back with nothing, then your head will be cut off.'

'No, please, have pity sir.'

Aragorn eyed Faramir. Yes, Faramir was pathetic. It wasn't his fault he couldn't find Legolas. He turned to face the massive window and looked outside, thinking of what he could do to Faramir for his incompetence.

'What's that?' Aragorn asked, blinking.

'What's what, sire?' Faramir asked, looking out the window as well.

'That,' Aragorn pointed at small scurrying figures in their farmlands. 'It looks like children with food… But what are they doing here?'

'Those are no children, those are hobbits stealing food from us!' Faramir exclaimed. He rushed to the window, opened it wide and yelled. 'OY! What do you think your doing?'

The hobbits turned around, looked at Faramir, tossed the vegetables in the air and ran.

'AFTER THEM!' Faramir yelled at the nearby guards.

…

GLOSSARY OF TERMS (actually, its just one term)

Cheezlewax - a curse word for Istari's meaning a wizard that grew up with hobbits and showed no magical powers till they grew up.

**A/N: **_Come on guys, review before leaving. I missed Smallville 'cos I finished typing this up. Have pity and review. Thanks:_

_- For the typographical errors, ignore them. Especially the weird words which cannot be changed by the computer. Faramir gets changed to Farmer, Saruman into Samurai and all other sorts of crazy stuff. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Looking for Legolas

As soon as the hobbits heard the quick footsteps of the soldiers, they picked up their pace, grabbing everything in sight and making a mad dash out of the garden and into the village. But since they were half the size of humans (having small feet and short legs and all), the guards easily caught up with them.

Merry and Pippin looked at the guard smiling sheepishly. Frodo bowed down with a guilty look. And poor little Sam was so terrified, he fainted.

"Stealing huh? Hobbits," one soldier in a gleaming black armour tutted. "This is a grave offence you have committed, young 'uns, you shall be punished severely for this crime. Where did you hobbits come from?"

'From Mirkwood, your lordship sir. But maybe you can skip that severe punishment? We are after all, small, young 'uns,' Pippin suggested cheekily.

The soldier frowned. 'Follow me.'

The three hobbits stayed rooted on the spot. Sam was still unconscious.

'Afraid, eh? Well, staying there won't help any. If anything, it'll just make things worse. Disobedience to his highness' first knight can lead to death.'

Frodo looked terrified but still wouldn't budge. Same with Merry and Pippin.

'Come with me if you want to live,' the soldier commanded and went to the palace. With the help of five guards (three for Frodo, Marry and Pippin. Two for Sam, one for the legs and the other for the arms) the hobbits were lead inside the palace and left to face Aragorn and Faramir.

'Sire, here are the hobbits that have caused destruction to your harvest. The blond dude fainted, weird little guy.'

'Thank you Thomas, you may go now. I want to have a word with these crop-snatchers.'

The soldiers left the room with a little bow and left Aragorn, Faramir and the hobbits. 'So…' Aragorn began.

'So…' Pippin said, fidgeting. 'What's up?'

'What have you been doing to our garden, and how long has this been going on?' Faramir demanded.

Aragorn looked at Faramir in annoyance. 'Yeah? Since when?'

'Uh…' Frodo looked at Faramir, then at Aragorn. 'I don't know when_ exactly_…'

'Around five weeks ago I suppose,' Merry piped up. 'But Mr Aragorn sir, we really are truly sorry. You see, we don't live here so we don't know the laws of Gondor -'

'Exactly the reason why we should lock you up. All four of you aren't citizens of Gondor and yet you trespass and steal! And from the Royal Highness' garden of all places!' Faramir said.

'Would you stop it? I do the questioning and yelling here!' Aragorn yelled.

'S-sorry dude, go on and yell.'

'Exactly the reason why we should lock you up. All four of you aren't citizens of Gondor and yet you trespass and steal! And from the Royal Highness' garden of all places!'

'We didn't know that it was a major offence to you. You see in Mirkwood - where we came from - the prince is really nice and lets us eat off his plate," Frodo said. 'I miss Prince Legolas alr-'

Aragorn looked up. 'What did you say? Prince what?'

'It's _who_, not what, stupid.' Pippin rolled his eyes. 'Honestly! And you're supposed to be a prince. You're supposed to be well educated and all…'

Frodo glared at Pippin. 'Stuff it, Pip,' and to Aragorn, he said, 'It's Prince Legolas, Your Highness. He lets us eat anything from their garden, such a kind fellow. Too bad he lives with evil step-relatives."

'If you show me where he lives, all four of you are free of all charges held against you," Aragorn told them.

'On one condition,' Pippin said.

'Name it.'

'We get access to your garden. Your carrots are great!'

'Agreed.'

The way to Mirkwood took a long time, five days without rest with the troop only stopping for a couple of minutes to eat and to do their thing with nature. And finally, at long last, they arrived in Mirkwood.

'Faramir,' Aragorn bellowed.

Faramir was shaking when he walked toward Aragorn. 'Yes, my lord?'

'You say you've been here already, and yet you did not see Legolas? Why is that so?'

'I… I asked lord Saruman if anyone by the name of Legolas, and he said no.'

'Of course he'd say no,' Pippin butted in. 'That guy hated sir Legolas ever since the day he stepped inside the Greenleaf's castle. Jealous you know -'

'Pippin,' Frodo said in a warning voice. 'I don't think you have to go there. Trashing Saruman's name, especially in his own land, would mean death.'

'I really don't care if it means death. Saruman can't do anything to me. Besides, this is NOT his land. Never was, never is and never will be.'

'Hold it!' Aragorn said. 'What the hell are you saying? What is going on with Saruman and Legolas? And isn't Saruman dating my father?'

'Yes, he is,' a deep voice from behind confirmed the question. 'He is dating your father. I must say, I thought Arathorn had better taste than that. I don't understand why he dumped me, and to replace me with a faggot like Saruman? That's dead insulting! And when, may I ask you, is taking a long time dressing up to look pretty for the guy you like a crime?'

'Oh, Gandalf, how nice to see you again,' Aragorn said with a smile. Out of all the men and women his father dated after the death of his mother, Gandalf was definitely the best. He always performed tricks for Aragorn and always persuaded his father to do things Aragorn's way. 'What are you doing here?'

'Oh, just looking after my charge, wizardry duties and the lot, you know. How 'bout you?'

'Looking for a guy. I met him at the ball but he pulled a disappearing act on me. And these hobbits are my lead to his whereabouts. So Sarcastic Hobbit Number One, what was that you were saying about Legolas?'

Gandalf blinked. 'Did you say Legolas? Do you mean Legolas Greenleaf?'

'Uh, yeah, that's the guy. And Hobbit One was just telling me something about him and Saruman.'

'I have a name you know,' Pippin muttered with a frown.

'Oh, I see,' Gandalf said and walked over to a rock and sat.

Aragron narrowed his eyes at Gandalf. 'Is there something you know that you're not telling me?'

'Yes. But don't worry, everything will come out in its own time. You'll know everything you need know when the time comes. And now is the time, Pippin will explain everything to you. And anything he leaves out, I will cover. Go on Pippin.'

'As I was saying, that no good so-called "lord" Saruman hated Legolas ever since he stepped foot inside the Greenleaf castle because he's jealous that Legolas looks the way he does and his Maraschino and Pistachio look like - I don't even know what they look like! A dead washed up rat in the canal of the dirtiest place in the entire universe I suppose, but it still doesn't do them any justice. So anyway, because of Legolas' good looks, Saruman decided that it makes it completely ad utterly impossible for him to look way cuter than his sons, so he tried his hardest to make Legolas look like P and M by making him a slave for their family right after Legolas' father died.'

'You mean, Saruman is Legolas' step-father?'

"Right-o!" Sam said dorkily, finally waking up.

'Duh!' Merry said, rolling his eyes. 'We did say he lived with his step-relatives, didn't we?'

'And when Saruman learnt that the prince of Gondor is looking for his devilishly good-looking step-son, he probably told every possible lie to Dumbo over here,' Pippin said pointing his thumb to Faramir, 'to make him think that there was no Legolas leaving here. And sure enough, Dum-Dum fell for it.'

'It wasn't "every possible lie," he just said that Legolas didn't live here,' Faramir said crossly.

'Then your even dumber than I thought," Pippin said, shaking his head. 'Honestly! And you're the steward of Gondor? What is Middle-Earth coming to?'

'Look, there's no need for that. Even I didn't know that Legolas lived here. It was an honest mistake,' Aragron said. 'Now how do I get Legolas? I don't think I can just ask Saruman for Legolas' hand in marriage, now that I know that he hates Legolas' guts.'

'That's where I come in,' Gandalf said. 'Legolas is my charge. I'm his fairy godfather, and I can help you there. All we need to do is strategise a plan to get Legolas out of the castle without Saruman or either of his kids noticing us. Now the Saruman part would be easy because he's with Arathorn at the moment - enjoying the date _I_ should be in. What we need to do now is take care of the two monsters. I think we just have to knock them out, that'll give us enough time to get Legolas, his stuff and a picture of the both of you together.'

'The picture won't be necessary Gandalf," Aragorn told him.

'Of course it is! It's nice to see you happy with somebody Aragorn. Even if you're not my stepson, I still consider you as a son.'

'Still trying to get back with my father by trying to flatter me?' Aragorn asked.

'Yes, very much so,' Gandalf answered quickly. 'But that's not to say that I don't care about you, it's just an added bonus if I could get spark up a romance with your father again. And Legolas is also very special to me; he is my charge after all.'

'Oh all right, but the picture better be quick!'

The group silently crept inside the castle, Gandalf leading the line with Aragorn in tow, then Faramir. Then came Frodo, Pippin, Merry, Sam and lastly the two Gondor soldiers.

They went up first to Maraschino's room where Pippin and Merry beat him up, leaving the poor orc lying in his bed with awful makeup on. Next was Pistachio. They had an easy time because he was asleep. All they had to do was crash his dresser mirror over his head to make sure that he wouldn't wake up sometime that day. But Pippin, wanting to be very sure, grabbed the lava lamp and hit it against Pistachio's head. And Merry, following Pippin, to be **ABSOLUTELY** sure started hitting him with different things. The chandelier, the candelabra, the posts of his four poster bed and the doorknob for the final touch.

Then they all piled up and walked to Legolas' room in the attic. Aragorn was getting sweaty palms again. Finally, he'd see Legolas.

_To be continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Seven: Legolas and Aragorn Reunited**_

CRASH! The two soldiers brought the door down with two strong shoves. A startled Legolas still in a green fluffy towel and pink rollers on his head turned around in shock.

'What - what are you doing here?' he asked the hobbits, not yet noticing Aragorn. 'Gandalf! I should've known!'

'What? What did I do?' Gandalf asked with a childish innocence in his tone. 'And why is it always me? Look you snotty ingrate, if you didn't want to see your precious Aragorn, you could just say so. I mean, it's not like I'm forcing you to -'

'Aragorn? Where?' Legolas looked around the room frantically.

Aragorn stepped out from behind Gandalf and the two soldiers. 'Hey,' he said shyly with a boyish grin.

Legolas' eyes widened like saucers. 'Aragorn. Here. In my room. Now…' he whispered with disbelief. And just a couple of days ago, he thought he'd never see Aragorn again.

'Yeah. Aragorn. Here. In your room. Looking at you and your beautiful hairdo. Pink rollers fit you honey,' Merry smirked. 'You should have your hair up like that more often, it accentuates your eyes. Not to mention that beautiful green towel of yours.'

Legolas turned around to face his full-length mirror. His eyes widened again. 'Bugger!' Hurriedly, he went back to his bathroom. After three seconds, he was out wearing his normal pink maid's outfit. 'Aragorn, hey. How you doing?' he asked trying to sound nonchalant as if him being seen with his hot pink rollers on never happened.

Aragorn looked at Legolas up and down, wondering what's with the maid's outfit. 'Uh, are you sure that your wearing the correct clothes?' he asked.

'Yeah, why?' Legolas asked, looking down at his clothes.

'You mean you really wear a maid's outfit? Daily? What are you, a maid? I thought that you were the prince of Mirkwood.'

Pippin jumped up and hit Aragorn on his head. 'Stupid! Did I not just tell you all about Saruman and his evil plans? Do you have selective hearing or are you just plain stupid?'

Aragorn shook his head. 'Yes, I know all about Saruman, but forcing Legolas to wear a maid's outfit? That's degrading!'

'Oy! Enough chit-chat. We must hurry, Pistachio and Maraschino may wake up any minute now,' Gandalf said.

'Nope, I doubt they will,' soldier one contradicted. 'With the sharp blows they have received, they might wake up days from now.'

Gandalf rolled his eyes, disliking the soldier right away for contradicting him. 'Nevertheless, we need to be sure. You guys can continue this love session back in Gondor.'

All of the people in the room, except for Legolas and Aragorn, filed outside and made their way downstairs (Legolas lived in the tower part of the castle). The two remained for a while and smiled at each other, unsure of what to do and say.

Finally, Aragorn stepped forward and slipped his arms around Legolas' shoulders. He pulled him close and hugged him against his tall, lean body. 'You don't know how long I've wanted to do this. Feel you close to me and hold you tight.'

Legolas smiled wider than he ever smiled before. He has never been as happy as he was at that moment as he felt himself melting into Aragorn's embrace. They just stood there, silently hugging, enjoying each other's warmth.

Seconds later, Pippin broke the moment by sticking his head into the room and said, 'Hey lovebirds that can wait 'till later. Shake a leg, huh?'

Aragorn laughed. They pulled away from each other and smiled. They walked out of the room together, hand in hand.

Back in Gondor, Arathorn and Saruman were having a stroll around the garden, when they saw Gandalf and Company magically appear right in front of them.

'Gandalf,' Arathorn said in surprise, a little taken back. 'What are you doing here? Oh, Aragorn, nice to see you son. And who are your little friends?'

Legolas looked at Saruman for a while and gone pale. They were supposed to be doing this without Saruman knowing. And now here he is, face to face with the wicked stepfather. Thankfully, Saruman pretended not to notice Legolas and controlled his temper.

'Father,' Aragorn said, acknowledging his father. 'This is Legolas, the guy I met in the ball. Your future son-in-law… Hopefully. And these are his friends, the hobbits. Gandalf, I presume you already know.'

'Yes, yes, of course,' Arathorn said, nodding. 'Well, good day to you all, Saruman and I still have a few more minutes of strolling around. See you all around.'

'Good day to you as well father,' Aragorn said. And taking Legolas by the hand, they walked towards the palace. Unaware of Saruman's eyes burning a hole through the back of Legolas' light pink maid's uniform.

Gandalf took off magically (he couldn't bear the sight of Arathorn with Saruman) after saying good-bye to Aragorn and Legolas,

Back in the garden, Arathorn was still dazed, having seen his ex-lover. Saruman was oblivious to this as he was still thinking of Legolas, positively irritated that Aragorn has fallen for his stepson.

'Dear,' Saruman told Arathorn, faux kindness dripping in his voice. 'That Legolas…'

'Yes? What about Legolas?'

'Well, he's my stepson.'

'Really, I didn't know that. Even better then, your stepson and my son! Who would have known? They make a cute couple don't you think?'

'Oh yes, they do. But I'm afraid Legolas will be grounded from now on.'

'Why is that?'

Saruman shook his head. 'Well, I don't remember saying anything to him that he could leave the castle without my permission. If he went somewhere else and not here and I didn't know where to find him, I'd be worried sick!'

'Oh, come off it darling,' Arathorn said soothingly. 'He's young and reckless, don't you remember the days when you were just as impulsive as he is?'

'Well… it's not only that. I don't know why my son is flirting with your son. He knows perfectly well that he is to marry Haldir, one of the strongest elven archer there is!'

Arathorn looked thoughtful. 'Legolas will marry Haldir? And yet he is with my son, making my poor Aragorn think that there is hope that _they_ would marry? How could Legolas do this? He looks so kind and sweet; he hardly seems to be the type to fool around. Are you sure of this?'

'Arathorn, I'm the boy's father! Of course I am sure of that! They are to be married three months form now!' Saruman exclaimed. _Note to self_, he thought,_ make arrangements with Haldir to marry Legolas. I don't know why I thought up of this crazy plan. I didn't want to give him to a prince so I give him to a strong, well-known archer? The next best thing to a prince? Legolas better thank me for this!_

Arathorn shook his head. 'This cannot be! I forbid Aragorn to see Legolas! You better tell that boy of yours to stay away from Aragorn. He'll just bring my boy pain. What will Aragorn say, now that he has no one to marry?'

'Oh I'm sure either of my boys will be glad to fill in the shoes of Legolas,' Saruman offered.

'You mean Pistachio and Maraschino? Uh, no thanks Saruman. I think I'll just fix him up with Arwen. I know that Aragorn likes her.'

Saruman shrugged.

That night, when Saruman was about to go home, he called Legolas from the veranda. 'Legolas! It's time to go home now! You and I still have to go places tomorrow.'

'Can't he stay for the night Saruman?' Aragorn asked politely.

Saruman smiled and shook his head. 'I'm sorry Aragorn, Legolas will have to come with me.'

'Why? So you can make him scrub walls, cook your food and be your servant?' Aragorn snarled. 'Well, I won't allow that to happen. Legolas stays here.'

Saruman looked at Aragorn icily. 'Legolas please leave us for a moment. I need to speak to the prince for a while.'

'No,' Aragorn said. 'As I said, Legolas stays here.'

Legolas looked afraid. Looking between Saruman and Aragorn, he tried to decide whom to follow. 'I, uh… I…'

'Legolas, please?' Saruman said.

Nodding, Legolas left the veranda.

'Young prince, I'm afraid you have been misled by my son -'

'Stepson,' Aragorn interrupted.

Saruman took a deep breath. 'Yes, of course. My _step_son. I suppose he didn't tell you that he is to be wed in a few months to Haldir, one of the finest archers there is in Middle-Earth.'

'No, he didn't tell me that,' Aragorn said. _Should I trust him? Gandalf and the hobbits told me not to trust him… but what if its true?_ 'I don't believe that. Your lying!'

Saruman sighed. 'Oh well. I'm only here to stop you from heartache. I know you love Legolas dearly, but that boy is already engaged.'

After Saruman left (bringing Legolas with him), Aragorn went upstairs to his chambers. He was lying down on his bed, trying to sleep, but was having a hard time trying. He was still thinking about the whole Legolas-Haldir engagement.

_Is it true? Can Legolas really be engaged to Haldir? NO! it can't be. If it came from Saruman, then its sure to be a lie!_

Aragorn shook the thoughts of Legolas and Haldir, not wanting to believe in Saruman, and proceeded to daydream about him marrying Legolas.

A knock on his door was followed by, 'Aragorn?'

Dad. Great. So much for daydreaming. But it wasn't that bad. Whenever he tried to think of Legolas and him getting married, Haldir always showed up. 'It's open.'

His bedroom door swung open and his dad popped his head in. 'Aragorn, we need to talk.' He went in Aragorn's room and sat down on the edge of the bed. 'It's about you and this Legolas boy. Now you know that I would never stand in the way of you and of true romance. But that Legolas boy is already engaged - '

'No dad, that isn't true. I suppose that came from Saruman right? Well let me tell you this: Saruman is a liar. Don't believe anything that guy says -'

'Son, I know you are deeply hurt -'

'No, I'm not! Because Legolas and I -'

'Are breaking up. I sent Haldir a telegram to confirm if the engagement is true or not - because Legolas doesn't look like one to fool around - but I'm afraid it's true. Haldir himself confirmed it. Now, why don't you just look for someone else? Someone who isn't scheduled to marry in three months? Someone like, say, Arwen?'

**Back in Mirkwood…**

Saruman was sitting in his throne, smiling evilly… After acting quickly, going to Haldir and making special arrangements, he was able to engage Legolas and Haldir. He knew that it would mean Legolas' freedom from him, but whatever breaks Legolas' heart makes him the happiest man in the entire Middle-Earth.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter Eight: Wedding Bells and the Tragedy of it All**_

-

Aragorn woke up sad that morning when he realised that him and Legolas were no more. Dragging his sorry arse to the dining room, he saw his father smiling happily with a beautiful girl seated on his left. Aragorn froze.

Arwen.

'Son, so glad you could join us today, have a seat,' Arathorn greeted him.

'Why is she here?' Aragorn spat out.

Arathorn stood up and grabbed Aragorn by the writs and dragged him out of Arwen's earshot to speak privately.

'What are you doing?' Arathorn hissed at his son.

'What do you mean, 'what am I doing?' What are you doing?' Aragorn said, a little bit louder than Arathorn. 'Why is _she_ here?' he said in a dripping condescending tone.

'She is here,' Arathorn said, trying to calm down his shaking voice. 'As I asked her to come meet her future husband.'

Aragorn stoped and looked at his father in utter confusion. 'Why, are you getting married? I thought you and Saruman were still going strong which, by the way, I'm not too keen about.'

'Okay, ouch. But the marriage is not for me but for you, son.'

'What???'

Back in Mirkwood, Saruman was laughing evilly, entranced with (what he was) his magnificent plan.

Haldir looked at him with caution. They were both waiting for Legolas to come down from his tower as they were about to spring the news of their betrothal to Legolas that afternoon. Although Haldir was slightly confused as to why Legolas had no idea about the engagement. He thought that Legolas would already be in on this (as most engagements are usually agreed upon by both parties before the actual declaration of engagement) but he didn't pay much attention to it as he was really, really infatuated with Legolas.

A minute later, Legolas came bouncing down the stairs with a happy smile.

'Have you see my sons?' Saruman asked immediately.

Legolas looked at the floor, hoping to hide his guilty eyes. 'Erm, no, not today I'm afraid.'

'Never mind. It's not like their presence of lack of is of any importance to me,' Saruman said waving his hand in front of him as if there was a fly. 'It is you I want to have a chat with. Take a seat.'

'Pardon?'

'Take a seat; is it that excruciatingly hard to understand?'

'No, no.' Legolas said and took his seat next to Saruman.

'Legolas, dear,' Saruman began. Legolas looked at him weirdly. He was confused. Did something happen to Saruman in the shower that caused him to act so... nice? 'This is Haldir, a very fine archer, as you should very wel know as he is quite famous in this part of Middle-Earth,' Saruman said, motioning to the guy standing not far from them.

Haldir looked at Saruman with murderous eyes. He disliked the word 'elf' as he found it rather discriminatory.

'And he will be your husband, isn't that nice? Oh isn't it just lovely? We've loads of events to plan for the nt-so-future-future! We're to have a wedding for which I have plenty of ideas to work with and a grand ball in honour of your betrothal. Not to mention the reception which I think should be lavish and absolutely grand – you are prince of Mirkwood after all.'

Legolas sat frozen to his seat. WHAT THE?! This is bad. 'What - what about Aragorn?' he stammered.

'Aragorn?' What about him?' Saruman asked acting to be totally in the dark about him and Aragorn.

'Yeah, me and Aragorn. We have plans. Of marriage and a future together… I mean, we even picked out baby names!'

'Well then that's just too bad now is it? What kind of an idiot are you anyway, planning your life without my consent? Have I taught you nothing?'

'What??' Legolas exclaimed. 'Excuse me, but this is _my_ life and what I say goes!'

'Erm, sorry to interrupt your rather fascinating conversation, if you could call it that, but it seems to me that I am unwanted by the prince,' Haldir interrupted. 'So if you'll excuse me, I'll be off now. Thank you for the invitation Saruman, I feel so deeply wanted in this palace. Goodbye now.'

'Hold on,' Saruman said. 'Pardon my boy for being brutally rude, but you _are_ wanted here. I gave you my word, and that is for you and my son to wed, and it will happen. As king, my word is law.'

'I'm sorry, but I still have to decline,' Haldir said. 'You may mean well Saruman, though I'm not sure if you really do, but in my experience, a marriage is supposed to be agreed upon by the two people who are _actually_ getting married. It doesn't seem to be that way and I wouldn't want to be in the middle of whatever the two of you are going on about.

'So I have to say thank you for the thought of even considering me as a worthy husband for your obviously astounding bright and handsome young son, though I don't think I am even an inch close to his league, but I refuse to be married to someone who doesn't want to marry me.'

'Haldir… it's not that you aren't worthy of me, I mean, I'm just me-' Legolas started.

Haldir shook his head. 'You don't have to explain a thing. I understand completely. You're in love with someone else, someone much better than I am, I presume, and that suits me just fine.'

'Excuse us just one second Haldir,' Saruman said, motioning for Legolas to follow him to the room next door. 'Okay, I know you are obsessively in love with this Aragorn guy,' Saruman started once they were inside the room. 'But honey, it has just got to stop. I don't know what the cunning romantic boy told you, but he's been deceiving you.

'He's betrothed to Arwen and it was an agreement made by their parents years ago, way before you were even born! Okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration as you are older than Aragorn by centuries, but believe me when I tell you this: he's taken. I mean, I know I may not have been the perfect stepfather and I know I may have made you do things most people wouldn't agree to, like going down the well to get the necklace I dropped and being stuck there for hours causing you to become claustrophobic, so I completely understand if you don't want to believe a word I say. But I still, first and foremost, am your stepfather. And as hard to believe as it may seem, I do care for you. Not as much as I do for my own children, but I still do.

'So I did something stupid and something I know you may not like. I set you and Haldir up together. But you'll never know, being married to one of the hottest elves in the kingdom might do you some good and make you forget that Casanova.' _Wow, I am such a great avtor, I even fooled myself to believe that I actually care for this stupid, handsome, hot, lovely – oh god I think I'm cushing on my own stepson!_

Legolas was in deep thought after hearing this. On the one hand, he has never known Saruman show compassion to anyone including his own children, but on the other hand, he did look really sincere that it was hard not to believe him.

'Look,' Saruman continued, 'You don't have to believe me. And why should you? After all the things I've put you through. But I really am being honest this time around. And if you still don't want to get married to Haldir, I'll cancel the pre-planned wedding and send him back home.'

He was silent for a while, trying to contemplate things. It was, after all, quite stupid to fall in love with a boy after just one night of perfect bliss. Who's to say it will be that way weeks, months or even years after? One night couldn't tell the outcome of the future. And he doesn't even know Aragorn that well. He really could be betrothed to Arwen. He really could be just another Casanova.

Besides, Haldir was here in the present and thought highly of him. And he was extremely good looking and wel-mannered. It might not be that bad. Love at first sight was purely mythical anyway, right?

Legolas slowly nodded. 'Okay, I'll do it.'

'I am not marrying her, father,' Aragorn said softly though anger and disdain were apparent in his voice. 'Why are you setting me up with her? This is totally uncalled for!'

'I thought you liked her. Didn't you use to be insanely in love with her just weeks ago?'

'That was in the past. Before I came to know Legolas.'

'That boy? That boy you found out about in just one night? That boy who is set to marry Haldir in three months time? Are you really still stuck on him? Are you really that daft as to plan a future where there's only hope but zero reality of you two ever getting together? If so, you won't have my blessing but you're a grown man and free to do whatever the hell you want. Go ahead, plan a future of disappointment and solace. There's not much I can do about it anyway.'

Arathorn turned his back on his son, and walked on back to the dinner table where Arwen was looking at both of them expectantly.

Aragorn sighed. Arathorn's words cut deep into him and though he wanted to deny everything and still believe in the possibility of him and Legolas being together but he knew that wouldn't happen. Haldir's letter confirmed it all.

'Okay, I'll do it.'


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N:**_ _I started writing this around three years ago and I haven't frequented since then, so I'm a bit dazed and confused with all the changes that happened during the time I was gone. I don't know if my past readers will continue to read this or if anyone else will give it a go, but I just want for this story to be finished so here's a new revised chapter which I hope some of you will enjoy. And though I'm not asking for reviews or even readership, it's nice to know if your hard work is being appreciated. So to those reading this, absolutely no pressure, but feedback (good or bad) will be much appreciated. Cheers. :_

_**Chapter Nine: Wedded Bliss?**_

_Three months later…_

Aragorn was still having a hard time trying to fathom his marriage with Arwen. Though she was the picture perfect Stepford wife, it was starting to get on his nerves. The constant care and love was starting to feel like he was being treated like a 3-year-old, it was overwhelming. Add that to the fact that he never even loved Arwen and that his true love was taken away from him, it was incredible that he still hasn't tried to kill himself. He did try to tell his father how obsessive and possessive Arwen is but he was quickly hushed up.

'That's quite unfortunate Aragorn, but I have more important matters to attend to,' his father once said. 'I am, after all, the king and have kingly stuff to do. She's your wife. Make it work.'

'The king,' Aragorn muttered. 'You hardly even know the name of your kingdom, how could you even consider yourself to be king?'

And whilst Aragorn was still trying to plot ways to escape, Legolas on the other side of Middle-Earth was having a much more grand time than he or his awful stepfather expected. Haldir turned out to be a laugh and a great person to hang out with. The first few weeks were obviously not that great of a time for Legolas who was still missing his hot sword-flinging boy, but as time passed by, he learnt to live without him and found great fun with Haldir who taught him many things he never knew of. He learnt how to fish, what jokes were (there apparently was never ever jokes made post Haldir times – c'mon, Saruman and his little baby orc and uruk-hai are daft and incapable of jokes and Aragorn was too serious of a man to know sarcasm or even deliver a knock-knock joke, atleast that was what Legolas thought as he only knew the man for a night), how to transport to different worlds (they once went to an all-human world called Earth in the Milky Way galaxy but it terrified Legolas – he wasn't too keen on the fast moving carriages and bright lights and the awfully rude people, ruder, he found, than Saruman - so they never went back) and other things that made Legolas fall hard for Haldir. It was impossible not to as he was not only cultured with rock hard abs and a magnificent archer, but he was funny and caring and clever and he also understood Legolas and listened intently to his stories of the horrible times he's been through with Saruman. He made the perfect husband ever and Legolas was thankful that Saruman brought them together, which of course, irked Saruman to the bone.

Saruman never knew separating the two lovebirds that was Aragorn and Legolas would actually bring joy to his stepson later on. He may have put the whole act of maybe Haldir would be good for his health romantically, but he never expected it to be true! He also never knew just how bad pairing Haldir and Legolas would be for him and his children as they had conspired, behind his back, an attack (or assault, whichever fits better) to have him and his little Saruman juniors flee Mirkwood.

At the beginning of their marriage, Haldir and his army of archers were given board and lodging in the palace. And though Saruman was their recognised ruler, their loyalties laid with Haldir and Legolas. So one sunny morning whilst Pistachio and Marschino were picking (or rather, eating) flowers in the orchard, HHHnfjHaldir led his men to the balcony facing the orchard in battle mode and started shooting arrows.

Saruman, sunbathing by the poolside, took notice of his kids' high-pitched squeals and looked up to see what was going on. Standing up and throwing down his Wizards Quarterly magazine and pushing up his sunnies above his forehead, he put his hands on his hips and yelled out, 'and just what do you think you boys are doing? Go back to your rooms right now!'

'Sorry Saruman,' Haldir yelled out. 'But my dearest husband appears to be breaking out in hives because of what I suspect to be an llergic reaction towards you and your children. And during our wedding, I vowed that I would protect him from harm and from any other nuisances that may come his way. Unfortunately, you have become a nuisance. So please, leave the palace - leave the kingdom if possible – and he'll stop all this. Alright?'

'No, it is _not_ all right. I have a right to be here just as any of you, so you boys better stop it or I will have you –'

'You, Saruman, have come to the last of your threats. My men and your men have promised their loyalties to me. So if you don't leave now, we will have to make you leave, understand?'

'I won't! And how come my men have left me for you? I own them! I give them their salaries!'

'You know, I have no idea really. I think it's because Legolas and I are way hotter than you and us kissing and doing stuff in public turns them on. I don't even have to pay them to stay on our side. Isn't that cool?' Haldir smiled.

Saruman huffed. 'Well you can't drive me out, this is my house –'

And with that, the archers started firing arrows at them again. The orcs, having more sense than Saruman had fled a few minutes ago, leaving Saruman to scream and run away all by himself.

'Thanks Haldir,' Legolas said once Saruman was gone and kissed him passionately. Haldir smiled and started on Legolas' neck, much to the delight of Saruman's ex-army men.

'Anything for you babes,' Haldir whispered, licking Legolas' ear. He had his right hand positioned on his head underneath the layers of blond hair and his other hand groping its way down. Legolas moaned in pleasure and led the way to their room leaving the army men sulking and muttering in disappointment.

_To be continued…_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Notes:**__ As I've said earlier (see chapter nine), I don't really expect much readership anymore since I've been on hiatus for about three years now (give or take a couple of months) but if you're reading this and you know, happen to like what you're reading or think I could do better or if you just need to let out your thoughts and troubles (even if completely unrelated to the story or in general), please let me now and review. Thanks much. : peace babes._

_-A_

_**Chapter Ten: A Spark of Hope**_

So far, our story has come to this: Legolas and Haldir, though at first a questionable couple, seemed to work out pretty well. And Aragorn and Arwen… well, we knew they wouldn't last! And so we go on…

Haldir just set off for the mountains with his knights and archers to the elven kingdom of Rivendell as Prince Consort, to settle the diplomatic policies between Rivendell and Mirkwood. It really got to him that Rivendell could set up establishments in their kingdom having no need to pay taxes but when they try to set up their own businesses in Rivendell, a 10 tax was squeezed out of them. Which, according to Elrond, was completely understandable since Mirkwood was much richer than Rivendell and they were more in need of money. Legolas didn't mind this one bit but Haldir felt they were being cheated so he put it upon himself to handle the situation.

Once they reached the Rivendell castle, they were warmly greeted by the caretaker and showed him and his men the way to a room where a long table stood in the middle with chairs around it. And sitting in the middle, between the heads of the table, was Arwen with two men seated on either side of her.

'Good day to you sir, I hope the trip up wasn't too tiring?' she asked.

'No, not at all. Atleast not for us, the horses may not feel the same way,' Haldir said with a smile.

Arwen laughed softly and motioned for him to have a seat. 'I am Arwen, and I will be acting as Queen for today as my father is ailing and suffering from short-term memory loss. Healers say it won't take long for him to snap out of it, but in the meantime, I'll be taking over his duties. This is his adviser for land policies and regulations, Sir Blair,' she said waving to the wrinkly man to her right with a sour look on his face. 'And this is his adviser for diplomacy and international trading, Dame Thatcher,' she said gesturing to the ethereal lady seated on her left who positively radiated with beauty.

'How are you? Pleasure to meet you all,' Haldir said, acknowledging all three of them. 'I'm Haldir, Prince Consort of Mirkwood. This is Gael Zathura, our Minister of International Trade and Communication,' he said, motioning to the incredibly handsome brown-haired elf seated next to him. 'And the men behind me are just, well, army people.'

Arwen smiled at all of them. 'So, we are here to discuss the policy of the no-tax law we have in Mirkwood, yes?

'Yes. Now you see…'

Over at Gondor, things have changed somewhat. After Saruman fled from Mirkwood and was labelled an outcast, he was far too ashamed to show his face in the civilised world and so he and his boys set up camp in the forest with Treebeard and planned on living there for the duration of his life. His absence worried Arathorn for sometime (lasted a few days) but after that he and Gandalf rekindled their passionate love for each other. Things were well and Gandalf couldn't be happier.

And for Arathorn's 54th birthday, Gandalf planned a surprise birthday party for him, inviting everyone in the kingdom to come. The hobbits, who now resided in Gondor during harvest season (after the promise of permitting them to live there rent-free and being allowed all the carrots they could want by Aragorn during his Legolas obsession days) and spent sometime in Mirkwood were given this news and were invited to come as well.

Pippin, being the ignorant hobbit that he is, gone ahead and invited Legolas to come to the party one night when they were playing chess.

'It's Arathorn's birthday, mighty old that lad is,' he said, grunting as he lifted his rook and placed it where he could check the queen and the king at the same time. 'And flaming gay Gandalf the Grey is throwing this massive party which is supposed to be wicked fun. The boys and I are planning to go as you can just imagine all the food we can stock up on. Yummy! You should come as well, mate.'

Legolas thought for a while and moved his king back a step, allowing Pippin to have his queen. 'I don't know. I mean, Gandalf didn't invite me to this party for a reason and that's because he knows for sure that Aragorn will be there and I would want to avoid him. You know, because of our history.'

'Oh yeh, yeh, I remember. But man, that was a long time ago. I figure, you should be over it by now, yeh? Besides, you have the strapping young man Haldir as your husband, everything is over and done,' the hobbit said while taking the queen off the chess board.

'I know, but seeing him again, it might make me do something I oughtn't. You know?' Legolas said.

'I understand, but you know, just if you want to. It's tomorrow night.'

'I'll keep that in mind,' Legolas said and smiled. 'Check mate.'

The following morning, Legolas was still thinking whether he should attend the party or not. It wasn't like he'd be cheating on Haldir. He'll just attend the birthday party of the father of the man that he once loved. Besides, they're both married and nothing could ever happen between them, right?

_But why do I keep wishing that something were to happen?_ Legolas thought bitterly.

'Bonsoir mon amie!' Gandalf called out from nowhere causing Legolas to jump in surprise.

'Gandalf! Good Lord mate, you frightened me!' Legolas said a while after he found Gandalf merrily tapping his feet to an odd sounding music that accompanied the wizard as he came in (with lyrics sounding a little like 'I'm bringing sexy back' though Legolas wasn't quite sure as the melody was really faint and Gandalf sure wasn't sexy).

'Sorry dear,' the wizard apologised. 'And also, I'm really sorry that you and Aragorn never worked out. A pity really as you two would've made a rather handsome couple. Well anyway, I came here to invite you to Arathorn's big birthday bash that I am personally throwing and I know you might feel uncomfortable about the whole ordeal, but just think of it this way: you're married, he's married… that's a load of weight hindering anything to happen between you guys, yeah?'

'Yes…' Legolas started slowly. 'And that's just it. It'll just break my heart once again, to see him and fall in love with him and know that he'll never be mine. My heart just won't agree to come to terms with that particular fact. So I'm afraid I have to decline the invitation.'

'You'll be sorry kid. If there's one thing that I can be proud of, it's my party-throwing abilities. I'm going to rock Gondor and you're going to miss all the fun.'

Legolas smiled wryly. 'If you say so you old fart. But I really don't think I'm even welcome there. I'd imagine Arwen would still be furious with me.'

Gandalf tutted. 'Such negativity! I'm sure she's gotten over your small romance with young Prince Aragorn ever since the day they said their I Do's. Besides, she won't even be there for the party since Elrond's fallen ill and she's in Rivendell at the mo as we speak stepping in for her father until he's well again.'

'She's in Rivendell?' Legolas asked with a spark of hope igniting in his chest. _Far, far away from Aragorn? _he included nastily in his thoughts. Must be the effect of having lived with Saruman for too long.

'Yes, but don't you be getting any ideas now. You have a good and loving husband you should be waiting for when he arrives. Though I have to say, however charming and unbelievably gorgeous Haldir is, I still have no idea why you agreed to marry him when you were so madly in love with Aragorn.'

'Because Aragorn is a lying hot modelesque boy who loved me and promised to marry me even if was already engaged to Arwen since infancy,' Legolas answered with a sniff. 'But however much of a conniving liar he is, he's still my Meant To Be, you know what I mean? Well whatever, that's –'

'Hold on,' Gandalf interrupted, raising a hand to stop Legolas from his rambling. 'What do you mean he was engaged to Arwen since infancy?'

'You mean I have to explain the whole sentence? Are you crazy? I think the sentence is quite self-explanatory.'

'No, not that! I'm not brain damaged as not to understand words put together to make a sentence. I mean, why would you think that? They were never betrothed to one another, I should know, I'm Arathorn's boyfriend,' this, Gandalf said rather smugly and with pride in his voice 'And I know for a fact that Elrond and Arathorn didn't want their kids to be together. Not quite sure about the reasoning, it was a long time ago so whatever. Where do you get your information, kid?'

'Saruman,' Legolas said with a sigh.

'Are you stupid? Have I taught you absolutely nothing?' his godfather yelled. 'Oh my freaking god, I cannot believe you actually believed him.'

'Shut up Gandalf! I feel bad about this as it is alright? And you screaming about what an idiot I've been is so not making me feel any better.'

'I'm sorry Legolas, I really am. But I am your godfather and I really wished you went to me first before making an impulsive decision. But whatever the case, what's done is done and you're right, you can't go to the party and risk falling for him again and end up all alone. I shouldn't have even invited you. I must go now, take care love.'

'Gandalf?' Legolas called out before his godfather had a chance to disappear again.

'Yeah?'

'Do you think… Do you think Aragorn still loves me?'

Gandalf smiled wistfully. 'Yeah, I think he still does. But please, don't do anything stupid again, you hear?'

_To be continued…_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter Eleven: Love Quadrangle**_

That night, whilst Legolas thought over either going to the party or staying home to watch a film (_all by myself, sad and lonely and extraordinarily pathetic_, he thought to himself), Haldir and Arwen were in the middle of a discussion about something a bit more personal than politics.

To those interested, they settled the matter, agreeing that the tax Mirkwood would pay for their businesses in Rivendell be lowered to five percent and Haldir was lenient enough to agree that Rivendell need not pay taxes since they were more in need of the money anyway.

With the business matter finished and over with, Arwen invited Haldir to stroll around the castle grounds saying that it was a lovely night with stars sparkling so brightly it was as though diamonds have been carefully placed on the dark bed of the night sky. Agreeing with Arwen that it was indeed a waste to spend time indoors, the pair walked around the garden and found themselves in conversation. A deep conversation with light banters here and there, a kind of conversation you wouldn't expect that two people might exchange at their first meeting. With no dull moments, no silences, the two were sinking into conversation that went on for hours.

It felt amazing for Haldir as he never had such a warm and intriguing conversation with anyone ever. Not even with Legolas. Sure, Legolas made him laugh and had opinions he never hesitated to mouth off, but they never talked for more than an hour without breaks. It wasn't that either of them were such bores, it was just that Legolas seemed to suffer from ADHD with his mind wandering whenever the conversation droned on for longer than a quarter of an hour or when Haldir would talk about the legumes he was starting to grow in pots in their balcony. Arwen on the other hand, seemed genuinely interested about the legumes thinking it was sweet that Haldir was into gardening as it was a something she was interested with as well.

'Oh,' Arwen said with a start, almost tripping on the roots of an old birch tree (that they've passed by around seven times already that night). Haldir was quick to catch her, holding her tightly on her wrist and very lightly on the side of her waist. Arwen looked up quickly, feeling a jolt of electricity inside her when they touched.

Haldir looked deep into her deep blue eyes dimly lighted by the full moon that night. She gazed back into his eyes and for a brief moment, they felt a connection that bonded their souls together. A gust of wind whirled around them, the dark green leaves and the branches of the trees swayed as if enchanted.

He was first to let go of the gaze and looked down to the earth where tiny rocks glistened to the midnight sky. 'We can't,' he said, a shadow of guilt passed through his eyes.

Arwen stepped back out of his grasp and rubbed her right wrist where Haldir's warm hand once laid a few seconds ago. 'I know… It's wrong. You're married and as am I… we can't…'

'It'd be cheating and Legolas has been good to me,' he said, not daring to look up and see her.

She hesitated. 'Yeah… and I love Aragorn…'

'Oh bugger it all,' Haldir cried out after a moment and pulled Arwen to him and kissed her passionately. She gasped, surprised at the sudden movement but kissed him right back once it registered in her mind that she was being kissed.

_Bugger it all, _Legolas thought and pulled his dress tunic over himself, deciding that he was going to attend the party and that he was going to see Aragorn. At that moment he didn't care if he's heart gets shattered to pieces yet again. All he knew was that it's been an agonising five months since he's last seen the man and whether or not it was good for his emotional health, he just had to see him once more.

'Well 'ello there matey,' Pippin called out from the hobbit hole, leaning against the wall with his hands folded across his chest and looked at Legolas with curiosity. 'Going to the party now, are we?' he said with a devilish smile.

Legolas blushed and gave a small nod. 'I know! I really shouldn't but I just want to you know? I can't help myself.'

'What do you mean you shouldn't? You've been miserable without him even with Haldir around and you know it, you owe it to yourself to have atleast one night of beautiful fun,' Pippin said, grinning from ear to ear. He went closer to the elf and sniffed the air. 'You smell really good too, dabbed on a wee bit of cologne?'

'Yeah, should I rinse it off?'

'Nonsense! You look like a bright, colourful bouquet with that sharp floral tunic, why not smell like a bouquet as well? Although I'd toss those shocking pink shiny leather trousers off if I was you. It's too gay, too loud and just too much, mate.'

'Oh, I thought it might attract Aragorn's attention and make him see what he's lost.'

'A screaming queen with blinding blinkers on? Believe me, he won't regret a thing.'

'Oy, what's taking such a long time Pippin?' a voice yelled from inside the hobbit hole.

'Come out here Merry and see what our dear Legolas has decided to wear for the party.'

Merry came out and sadly shook his head. 'Loose the floral and the leather, put on something sophisticated and elegant that would effectively make Aragorn come crawling back to you, ye daftie!' he advised albeit callously.

'I'm not trying to win Aragorn back you know,' Legolas said defensively.

The two hobbits rolled their eyes at the same time and scurried into Legolas' burry pulling out robes, tunics and trousers of a variety of colour, style, workmanship and beading they could dig out.

'No, oh definitely not,' muttered Merry, inspecting each garment as they came flying out from Pippin's hands.

'Here, here, I have it,' Pippin yelled enthusiastically, holding up a pair of yellow plaid short trousers, white translucent tunic and beige thongs.

'Seriously?' Merry asked looking unsure of the outfit his friend picked out.

'Why not?' Pippin asked defensively.

'Because it's just not right for the party,' Frodo said appearing from behind the other two hobbits causing them to jump up ever so slightly in surprise.

'What're you doing here?' Merry asked.

'Sam and I were wondering what was taking you two so long,' he answered. 'So I came to have a look-see and judging from the state of calamity this room is in and the atrocious garbs Legolas has on, I can guess what's going on. Here, let me see if I can help.'

The three hobbits looked through piles of clothes, feather boas, tiaras and wands/sceptres and other such assortment of accessories, it was Frodo who finally found a nice pale blue button down shirt with clean, simple embellishments on the upper back and paired it with plain tailored khakis and sleek loafers.

'You found that in _my_ burry?' Legolas asked incredulously, not remembering owning a single piece of clothing Frodo held in his arms. 'That's weird. Nevertheless, thank you very much. Now if you'll please excuse me, I have to et dressed.'

The hobbits piled out of the room and waited for Legolas in the lounge drinking champagne (Sam appeared a few minutes later) and clapped their hands when Legolas emerged looking even more gorgeous than he was (yes, though quite hard to imagine, it is possible).

'You look fabulous, Legolas!' Sam called out looking at Legolas with adoration and was it… infatuation?

Frodo elbowed Sam hard on the ribs in jealousy but still went over and gave Legolas a warm hobbit sized hug.

'Thank you all,' Legolas said smiling brightly from ear to ear. 'Alright then, shall we?'

Aragorn was slumped on the throne with his crown lined at an angle, twirling his sceptre and scanning the crowd in boredom. He knew it wasn't exactly polite to do what he was doing, especially at this kind of event wherein your father was the guest of honour, but it wasn't like he wanted to come anyway. He was still hugely cross at his father for not caring that his marriage to Arwen was meaningless. Gandalf had to force him to attend the event.

'How would it look to our citizens if you don't come?' he asked the day before.

'I don't really think you should care much,' Aragorn retorted haughtily, 'as they aren't 'our' citizens to begin with. However much I respect the fact that you and my father are merry canoodlers, please, you are still not legally part of the family so don't try using that card. And second of all, should I've felt he cared for me as a father should, I would be the first person in line for the party and even helping you out with the plans. As it is, said statement is false so please back off.'

'You will do as you're told,' Gandalf said with a huff. 'No matter how angry you are at your father at the moment, he's still your father no matter what happens. Now get off your tushy and start looking for something nice to wear for the party or boils will magically appear on your precious face, you know what I'm saying?'

He understood quite well what Gandalf was saying, which is why he is now staring off to space counting how many gold marble swirls the floor had and after counting to ten, he lost all reason why he was doing such a tedious thing.

He looked up and saw his father and Gandalf having fun on the dance floor (not exactly dancing as neither of them could dance acceptably enough for people other than family to watch) mingling and chatting with people. He sighed. As much as he was peeved with his father right now, he was still happy for him and Gandalf who were obviously having such a good time not because of how great the party turned out to be, but because they had the company of each other and that was good enough for them. He hated to admit it, but at 54, his father looked healthier, happier and younger than him. And let's face it, he has a much better sex life than Aragorn (that probably explains why he's looking much fitter that Aragorn has this past few weeks) which irritated him immensely.

Just then, a loud ruckus from outside rang echoed through the gala room. 'You shut it,' a small voice was yelling out. 'You're positively dirty having rolled all over dirt and I don't appreciate being forced to do it as well. How very chav of you dear boy.'

'Chav? Moi?! Pardon me, but _you're_ the one causing all the noise and… oh, hello Gandalf, how do you do? Merry and I were just in uh.. yes, yes, of course. Not one more word, I swear. Hullo Arathorn, pleasure seeing you again, why you look absolutely spiffing in your designer leotards. Such a strong, strapping _allenstander_ you are,' the voice was saying with each word becoming less and less audible.

Aragorn rolled his eyes and smirked. The hobbits were here. That he was quite pleased about as he knew that his father wasn't too keen having them as regular guests and having them for his birthday celebration, well, let's just say Aragorn was practically in tears with laughter almost falling off his throne.

More hushed words were exchanged, this time with Gandalf and some other voice that sounded familiar to Aragorn but just couldn't find a face to match with the voice.

When the entourage finally came in, all quiet and businesslike (Pippin with his chest practically jutting out in show of how cool, collected and gentlemanly he could be was comical), it startled Aragorn. He didn't know the hobbits had it in them to act proper and like completely normal civilians. And upon seeing the golden haired elven god… well that just startled him even more. He was in fits of coughs and almost broke out to spasms and toppled over to the floor.

He looked up and even though his crown was now covering his right eye he still saw the face of an angel staring back at him. 'Legolas?' he whispered.

_To be continued…_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**_: To start off, thanks to all those who reviewed (not one nasty review! Big toothy smile for me) especially to __**prep**__ (an anonymous reviewer) who is loyal, loyal, loyal! Cheers mate. So here's the next instalment, hope it's nothing cheesy or boring or whatever. As usual, if you, the reader, has comments, suggestions, critiques or violent reactions, feel free to review so I'd know what you think of the story and what I can improve on. Although for violent reactions, I'm afraid no amount of reviews/flames can help you there. Soz dears._

_**Chapter Twelve: The Great Spouse Swap**_

Legolas, oblivious that he was being watched by a certain blue-eyed sword flinger, was in a heated argument with Gandalf. As soon as the wizard saw Legolas enter, he started to pull him out the palace gates but Legolas being stronger than he is made the task quite impossible to do. The hobbits who at times may seem dense, daft and delirious actually sensed that a row was brewing and had the decency to scurry off to give the two some privacy (as well as spend their time munching on several mini quiches being served at the dessert buffet) and Arathorn who wanted to stay for the drama, was conveniently swept away by a plump, purple haired lady who engaged him in a highly philosophical conversation of mothballs.

'What are you doing here? Haven't I advised to not to come?' Gandalf half whispered and half shouted at Legolas.

Legolas rolled his eyes at the greying wizard. 'You're my godfather and I love you but really mate, you have to get rid of that stick up the hole of your arse. Besides, weren't you the one who once helped me to get close to Aragorn because you so believed in the power of love?'

'Okay, one: that was because I was still Arathorn-less and completely devoid of love that I felt the need to feed off someone else's feelings just to cope. And two: that was _before_ he was married. Please, oh please, take note of the keyword _was, _as in it's in the _past_.What are you trying to do? Have him commit adultery? Do you not know how serious of a crime that is in Gondor? He could have his head cut off because of you and your stupid unrequited I-gotta-have-you love tactics.'

'One, dearest godfather: he's royalty, thus excluding him from any sort of death sentence. Two: we won't have an affair; I'm just here to show what he's missed. Just sort of like a teaser, you know? And three: your fly's open, zip it up man!'

Gandalf quickly looked down, blushed and zipped up his trousers so fast he yelped in pain (you know, because of the misters). 'Whatever, I give up on you. Honestly, you're what, three thousand? Four thousand years old? Do what you want; you're not a baby anymore. Just keep in mind the two other lives you're bringing in on your and Aragorn's love tango: Arwen and Haldir. See you after,' and with that, he left Legolas all alone in the middle of the two towering pillars by the entrance doors.

Legolas shook his head and sighed. Gandalf was right. What was he doing, coming to this party expecting to win Aragorn back? He had Haldir, the best damn husband anyone could ever ask for who never complained or got angry whenever he did something idiotic (and that happens fairly often). And Arwen, no matter how annoying her high-pitched laughter and long silky hair and flawless white skin and pretty red lips are, did not deserve this fate. He turned around; ready to go home when something, or rather _someone_ blocked him from leaving.

'Hey,' Aragorn said breathlessly. 'Leaving so soon?'

'Yeah, I kinda have some stuff to do back home. I think I.. uh.. I left the gates open. My soldiers may abandon me any moment now.'

Aragorn arched an eyebrow. 'I highly doubt that. Come on, stay for a while. Just an hour or so. You won't believe how stuffy and boring the old people are. Besides, I haven't seen you in yonks and bonks, we have to catch up.'

'Erm…' Legolas bit his bottom lip and tried to make a decision. If he stays, something outrageously wonderful might happen. If he goes, he'll be doing the safe, _right_ thing.

'Okay, but just an hour. I'm serious about my lads leaving me. The hobbits were the last ones out the house and may have forgotten to seal the gates with anti-soldier runaway devices.'

Aragorn shrugged and led him to the dance floor. 'We have plenty extra; you can have some of ours if anything does happen to yours.'

'That's really nice of you to offer but no offence, your men don't really live as long as ours do and it kinda takes a toll on you and your staff if you have to replenish them every few years…'

'So…' Arwen said, trying to hide her smile.

'So…?' Haldir said taking her hand into his.

'What do we do now?'

Haldir shrugged. 'I don't know but sitting here on the bench under the moonlight sounds just about right. And pretty romantic. Legolas could never be romantic. I mean, he tries, but something always goes wrong. Like the settee setting on fire or the garden being infested by bees. I like this.'

'I like it too,' Arwen said. 'But what about –'

'Aragorn and Legolas?'

'Yeah…'

'I have no idea, honestly,' Haldir said shaking his head. 'I know what we're doing is wrong but something inside me says it's okay. It's like, everything's finally in place now, you know?'

Arwen nodded. 'I know. And I think – I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure Legolas adores you, but I don't think he'd be too depressed if you leave him and I leave Aragorn.'

'Yeah, I know where you're getting at. We have a god relationship, Legolas and I, but he's more of like the pesky little brother I never had and care for deeply.'

'So what do you think we should do now?' Arwen said, looking up at him.

'I think,' he began, placing Arwen's hand back on her lap, 'that we should keep our feelings at bay, talk to our husbands first and see how it goes. Hey, for all we know they're going at it behind our backs as well.'

Arwen laughed. 'I hope so, that'll solve our problem.'

The following day, Arwen and Haldir parted ways and headed for home. A few hours later, a disarranged Legolas got up and headed for home as well. Not expecting for Haldir to arrive so soon, Legolas gulped as soon as he saw his husband waiting for him sitting on the kerb by the palace gates. He quickly ran his hands through his dishevelled hair before his horse clopped its way nearer.

'Hi honey, you're home! I missed you!' Legolas said in a strangled, high-pitched voice that was reminiscent of Arwen.

'Yeap, how've you been?' Haldir helped him off the horse and gave him a quick hug.

Legolas gasped. 'You cheated on me!'

Haldir raised his eyebrows quizzically. 'I beg your pardon?'

'You did, you cheated on me! I can tell by the.. by the… the hug, the nonchalant greeting…'

'Nonchalant greeting? I'm always like this.'

'I don't know! It's in your aura. Admit it! Who is it, huh?'

Haldir shrugged. 'I'm not denying anything, but then again, neither should you. Nice shirt by the way. Is that new? It must be as I've never seen it before. Beautiful craftsmanship as well, you won't see anything like that here in Mirkwood.'

'Oh, that…' Legolas blushed furiously. 'I went on a shopping spree. In Gondor. I was bored to tears. You're quite the absent husband…'

'Quit it Legolas, its fine. It actually works out for the best. You still love Aragorn and I am insanely in love with his wife. It suits us just fine, does it not?'

'Arwen? You and _Arwen_/ Why? W-why? Why would you do that?'

'I like her. Besides, why are you complaining? You can have your man and I can have his woman.'

'She's just too… I just… whatever,' Legolas said sulkily.

Haldir grinned. 'Come on, let's go in and get something to eat. I'm hungry.'

The pair walked in the palace grounds side by side with their horses trotting from behind. 'Just let the record show,' Haldir began as they started on the stairs, 'that Arwen and I merely kissed. You and Aragorn on the other hand…'

'Oh shut it Haldir. Oy Mr Guard-Man,' Legolas called out to the nearest guard on post. 'Have a messenger sent out to Gondor and invite Aragorn and Arwen over for lunch, would you?'

_Hours later…_

'So it's settled then, we divorce one another and after a week, we switch spouses, yeah?' Aragorn said.

The four of them (Legolas, Aragorn, Arwen and Haldir) were seated at the round table on the west wing of the palace with several top barristers from Mirkwood, Rivendell and Gondor. They talked for about half an hour, came to an agreement and upon finalising the divorce settlements, Mr Matador, a fidgety old elf coughed several times and wiped his sweaty forehead and shook his head.

'I'm afraid that under the circumstances of the law, Legolas and Haldir can't have a divorce or annulment.'

'What???' Legolas shrieked. 'What kind of stupid law is that?'

Mr Matador fidgeted and wiped his forehead again. 'It was drafted and passed five months ago by Saruman that no member of the royal family may divorce or have an annulment from his or her spouse whatever the reason may be.'

'That's just insane. I'm king now and what I say goes,' Legolas said. 'And I say we are having a divorce!'

'I'm afraid that's not possible sir, its law and you have to abide by it.'

'Does absolute monarchy mean nothing in this place anymore? I want that law chucked out. I'm making a new law and you take note of it. Every citizen of Mirkwood – _including­ _royalty – can demand a divorce whenever for whatever reason!'

'Sorry, but Mirkwood is more of a parliamentary type of government so I'm afraid –'

'Fine. Whatever, we get the gist of it all.' Haldir said. 'Why don't we just skip the divorces and trade spouses. It's just a bunch of legalities anyway.'

'That 'bunch of legalities', as you so casually call it, may cause me and Arwen permanent head loss,' Aragorn said stonily. 'Gondor rules. Royalty means nothing in this world anymore. Laws are laws and whatever position you may be in, you still have to abide by them. And adultery in our land equals beheading.'

''Okayyy, so obviously we want none of that,' Legolas said. 'Although an Aragorn head on a stick seems pretty cool. Like a little dolly. Anyway, what do we have to do to sort this whole thing out now? How do we change the law to allow divorces in royal families?'

'By having the person who created the law eradicate or change it.'

'You mean… Saruman?' Legolas choked out. 'But he's not even royalty anymore! And he was only royal by marriage!'

Mr Matador sadly shook his head. 'As His Highness Lord Aragorn put it: Royalty means nothing in this world anymore, laws are laws and Mirkwood law states that any law cannot be altered or eradicated regardless of current circumstances unless initiator of said law is deceased. In such case, the law can then be changed two months subsequent to his or her death.'

_To be continued…_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13: The Return of the Wicked Step-Father**_

'I suggest we have Saruman killed,' Legolas quipped cheerfully. 'That way, the law would go poof like Coco Crunch. It'll solve all our problems. Who's with me?'

Haldir shook his head ruefully at the same time Aragorn suppressed a laugh and Arwen rolled her eyes.

'Brilliant idea Legolas, then we'd all be charged for conspiring murder against an old man,' Arwen said.

'Who'd know?' Legolas said beaming widely with a shrug.

'Erm, honey, we're in the presence of several lawyers from different kingdoms,' Aragorn whispered to him.

'Whatever,' he huffed. 'Who's got a better idea then, eh?'

'How about we just have a chat with your step-father?' Haldir calmly suggested.

'You do it then if you think it's that easy,' Legolas shot at him. 'Have you forgotten how we ran him out of the kingdom? How we stole, for a lack of a better word, his soldiers? I can't see him ever agreeing to do us a favour.'

'I agree, it won't be easy,' Haldir said. 'But it's better than doing an old man in. Not only is it illegal, it's also questions our morality a bit. You know what I mean? Let's just sit him down and have him listen to reason.'

'Have you all gone completely mad?' Saruman howled in hysteria. 'After running me and my children out of shelter and leaving us to settle here, no offence Tree Beard, in a forest with no soft cushions, normal meals and even a working shower, you actually _expect_ me to help the lot of you? That's the most absurd thing I've ever been asked!'

They (The two couples, Saruman and his kids) were all seated near the tree trunk of Tree Beard discussing the future of the hopeful couple. They tried reason; they tried telling him how unfair he was (which didn't help their case one bit); they tried torture (unintentionally by Legolas singing his arse off to a Cher song) but nothing worked.

'How about we offer you crown jewels from Mirkwood? Would that help you?' Haldir offered.

'Yeah, it will. But it won't be good enough for me to take off my law from the law book of Mirkwood,' Saruman said snottily. 'A couple of crown jewels won't give me back the five months I've spent in this jungle with no one to talk to except for overgrown trees and my children who honestly have never anything interesting to say.'

Legolas threw his hands in the air in exasperation. 'Look, you old, old, wrinkly, immature man, name your price and you've got it.'

'My kingdom back.'

'No. You were only Prince Consort in the first place. I've reached the Age of Reason a month ago meaning the kingdom is rightfully mine. Besides that, having married Haldir entitled him to the title of Prince Consort, earning you no place in the royal family whatsoever. Again, name your price. And please, make it a bit more realistic this time, as this is the last time I'm asking it from you. I can live with Haldir as a husband for years until the time comes that I can make changes with the law you put in. You, on the other hand, may not be that patient with time living in the forest with trees and children to talk to.'

For once, everyone looked at Legolas with awe and respect. They didn't know he had it in him to act not only professional and well… Normal.

Saruman eyed him with contempt and sighed. 'I want for me and my children to be citizens of Rivendell, a three-bedroom house for me and my children – fully-furnished of course – and a respectful job that will support our needs and wants. Have you got all that?'

'Got it. Although you do know that I have no hold in Rivendell at all, right?'

'Well yeah, but I figure Arwen would have some power over that and because I have no place in Mirkwood any longer seeing as how embarrassing it has been for me and my children to be thrown out of the kingdom. That's all I have to offer on that subject. Take it or leave it,' Saruman said crossly with a pout.

Arwen sighed and nodded her head. 'Consider it done.'

And so my dear readers, this is where I will leave you. It's plain to see that things have finally swung to the course of Legolas' liking (for once) and if I go on to tell how many grandchildren they will have and what will happen to Tree Beard and his merry tall trees and what of Arwen and Haldir and Arathorn and Gandalf… well, that's just a really long beastly story and honestly, they are complicated people with complicated lives and I fear my fingers will be buffed to smithereens if I dare continue the story.

Let's just say Legolas and Aragorn led a long and loving life together and whilst Aragorn's life was dreadfully much too short for Legolas, he did leave the world with imprints on the kingdom as a good and fair ruler who welcomed different schools of thought, thus modern carriages and mobile phones have been introduced to Gondor and Mirkwood followed by Rivendell and several other neighbouring kingdoms. And Legolas, ever a passionate husband, was left with three wonderful children to remember Aragorn by.

Haldir and Arwen, praised by Elven Society magazine as a beautiful royal couple sadly strayed away after just fifteen thousand years together and were then after labelled by Rivendell's Top 10 of Everything as royalty's most eligible bachelor and bachelorette with their two sons trailing just right behind them. And though the marriage was an unfortunate bust, they were always romantically friendly towards each other (which meant that family reunions were always interesting).

Gandalf and Arathorn as you might be happy to know led long and fulfilling lives together until Arathorn's sad departure from the world. After which, Gandalf led a life of seclusion in mourning for his late husband and a year later, took his first steps outside his magical hut and is now in the wizarding market as a very eligible, very handsome (if not old) bachelor and looks to be leading quite a large fan base of young wizards everywhere. It might help that he just invented two spells for better, radiant skin and several potions to help your mind wander as educational classes are in session. Not bad for an old lad who lost his heart once to Saruman and the second time around to the Grimm Reaper.

And as for Saruman you ask? Well he and his orc and uruk-hai kids lived quietly and peacefully in Rivendell where Arwen found the perfect place for them to live in. Right in the suburbs of Rivendell where neighbours are perfectly neighbourly to the point of nosiness. And after Saruman's sad death, the two children who unfortunately couldn't find mates for themselves (not that elves were racists or anything, but they just didn't find thick greyish blue peeling skin, bulging eyes and barely there stringy hair as attractive) lived together in the house their father bargained for them for eternity. Because really, as undead creatures, they really have nowhere else to go. Sad to say.

And it is here where I end the story. Good day to all. 

_**Author's farewell notes**_: aaaahhh!! At last, a story finally finished! That makes two down and about three more to go. : ) haha. I could never get myself to finish a story way back when. Well anyway, I'd like to thank all those who read until the very last chapter (that means you've all been very patient and didn't get bored and for that I thank you!) especially to those who reviewed and stuck with me from the very beginning. Mucho love to **prep** (thanks mate! Though my toothy grin cannot be outdone, thanks for trying though haha!) and to **Mademoiselle Bunny Wigglesworth** for popping by once in a while (both here and in, well, you know, in real life). Again, here's to the end. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Cheers to all. : )


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